Lanie Painie is Insaney

Honey Badger Don't Care

2011-10-11T10:25:00.001-04:00

A few week ago, my physcician and I decided that it would be prudent to change my antidepressants after 9 years to see if it would help me control my impulses that lead to weight gain. I think the new medicine is working slowly but here's the scratch: the old medicine was highly addictive and I have been in the throes of withdrawal ever since I began tapering off. For the curious, here are the list of withdrawal symptoms. Only those in bold are effecting me, so it could be much worse.

intense insomnia
extraordinarily vivid dreams
extreme confusion during waking hours
intense fear of losing your sanity
steady feeling of existing outside of reality as you know it (referred to
as depersonalization at times)
memory and concentration problems
Panic Attacks (even if you never had one before)
severe mood swings, esp. heightened irritability / anger
suicidal thoughts (in extreme cases)
an unconventional dizziness/ vertigo
the feeling of shocks, similar to mild electric one, running the length of your body
an unsteady gait
slurred speech
headaches
profuse sweating, esp. at night
muscle cramps
blurred vision
breaking out in tears.
hypersensitivity to motion, sounds, smells.
decreased appetite
nausea
abdominal cramping, diarrhea
loss of appetite
chills/ hot flashes
fainting
"scratching sound" inside one's head
constant white noise in the ears
tingling sensation in cheeks, lips, tongue and surrounding areas.
heart palpitations/ chest pain
swollen and sore eyes
fatigue
extremely localized, bursting headaches
lump in throat
rash / dry, flaky and irritated skin
grinding of teeth
difficulty swallowing
itchiness

I would also add intense loneliness and sudden inability to cope with people acting like assholes, although that may already have been covered under the mention of irritibaility and mood swings.

I must say that finding the list on quitpaxil.com actually was a huge relief. How pleasant to know that I'm not necessarily on the verge of some horrible seizure. I'm not longer convinced that my 10 year old will find me in a puddle of my own waste gnawing my tongue off and twitching, but I suppose there is still a slight possibility.

The scratching sound /white noise, while still not acceptable or pleasant, aren't as scary now that I know it's fairly typical AND temporary. I am convinced that "honeybadger" is inside my skull and wants to get out through the back. It would be really convenient if Dr. Hfuhruhurr could perform his cranial screw top method to give me relief. It would be really convenient, too, if Youtube actually had a video of the surgery itself. But that ain't gonna happen. I think Steve Martin's probably afraid of honey badgers anyhow. He should be.

If you haven't seen the viral youtube video about the honey badger narrated by Randall, you won't even begin to "get it." The video is NSFW and NSFK as it has strong language in it, but honey badger don' care.

Wonderful wedding/Wonderful marriage

2011-04-29T08:28:00.000-04:00

I wonder,
how many Americans are watching Prince William and Kate Middleton's wedding today?

I wonder,
if those people put a priority on treating their own spouse according to their wedding vows?

I wonder,
what's the divorce rate of Americans who view royal weddings?

I wonder,
if being a wife or husband is held in as high regard as being a bride or groom.

I wonder,
if wedding vows are as cherished as wedding photos.

I wonder,
if wedding guests remain in the lives of couples as long as wedding gifts.

I wonder,
how many impoverished, diseased, neglected children could be sheltered by a tarp as long as a royal wedding gown.

I wonder,
how many families could be lifted from poverty and squalor for the price of one royal wedding.

I wonder,
if anybody realizes what's important anymore.

~Lanie

A hungry criminal is a cranky criminal

2011-04-23T23:22:00.000-04:00

I've heard many people talking about a law recently proposed in Kentucky. This bill would require Food Stamp recipients to pass a drug test before receiving public assistance. Personal note: I have never lived in Kentucky, been on drugs, or received food stamps - although I did receive Social Security benefits for a number of years and federal grants toward college tuition, I've never officially been on what most people consider welfare. I am not too proud to take assistance when it's needed, but I've always been able to stay away from food stamps - sometimes not by much.

I also care about a young homeless man that I know who cannot obtain assitance at all because of a mental illness that makes it impossible for him to make good choices consistently. He sleeps in one garage or another at night, and walks the streets by day - when he's not begging for help from his family and few remaining friends. Sometimes - especially in today's economy - it's not as easy to "just get a job and pay your own way."

So I'm trying to understand what people think this law will resolve. Will people get off drugs to obtain the food stamps they need to survive? Will it stop recipients from selling their food stamp cards for cash to buy drugs or other things that they want?

I think it's safe to assume that people who use drugs are most often metnally or emotionally compromised - maybe that's why they use illegal drugs, or maybe the drugs are the cause of their instability. Either way, they are clearly not able to make responsible decisions on a day-to-day basis.

I know from my own experience that if I go hungry even for a little while, it makes me cranky. Note: I have never experienced real hunger. Those of you who've seen me will testify that I don't appear to be anywhere near the zip code of hungry these days. But I do know when a child with very little impulse control gets hungry you better WATCH OUT!

If this law is passed, it's going to do more damage than good. It will, in essence, cause the crime rate in KY to skyrocket. People will steal to feed their families and themselves. They are already breaking the law, what's one or two more? There state is failing them by allowing them to go hungry. Is that going to help them get clean and make positive life changes? I doubt it very much. I think they will resort to stealing food or stealing merchandise to sell or trade for food and for their drug fix. They may prostitute themselves and steal from their own families to get what they think they need. They will do what they have to in order to "survive" and they will get to a point where it doesn't matter what they have to do to stop the hunger. It will reinforce their belief that the world is against them, that nobody cares, and that they have to take what they need to survive.

What about tightening up the current food stamp system as it is? How about only whole, healthy foods be allowed to be purchased. How about reducing the amount given and provide a list of soup kitchen and free food pantries along with them? Let's encourage fruits and vegetables and lean proteins like chicken and fish instead of treats and high-fat foods, or snacks that include food dyes and high amounts of sugar so that kids can actually focus and learn at school? There are lots of common-sense things that COULD work a lot better than letting people get hungry. And don't even get me started on how this country handles it's mentally ill citizens. So sad . . .

What do you think?

I don't want to be a Sneetch.

2011-04-10T20:55:00.001-04:00

It doesn't matter if I am star-bellied or no, I don't want to be a sneetch. That is, unless, there's a kind of sneetch that nobody has ever noticed before. That kind, I'll gladly be.

I say that, but then sometimes I *do* want to be noticed. At least, a little bit.

Why can't I be more consistent?

I thought I was pretty clear when I told the canvasser for our church stewardship committee that I didn't want my name on "the board." I don't want to be noticed for whether or not I give money or how much I give. I don't give to be recognized and I don't want it to be connected to how people think of me.

So there's a board with a list of family names. The names with a star in front of them have filled out this year's pledge form. So now I'm a star-bellied sneetch. And I don't want to be a sneetch at all. I don't like the idea of the board at all. It's like trying to shame people into doing their duty to the church. I don't think it's really creating the feeling of community they want to promote.

At the same time, I volunteer a LOT of my time to the church. Many times that time is flatly refused or rejected. I don't need to have credit for everything I do, but it's nice to be appreciated once in a while. I had been helping with a weekly publication and instead of discussing changes with me, they just reassigned things. When volunteers are given special recognition I've never asked for or received any. And when somebody does make a fuss over me, I get embarassed and don't know what to say anyway. But then a lot of days I think - what about me? Don't they appreciate me? Am I just in their way? Maybe I'm like the older lady who is blind that they'd find things for just to make her feel useful, or the mentally challenged gal that dusts the library books. And then I wonder why I bother. Especially when the powers that be seem so cold and unwilling to make connections. Is it because I don't do enough? Or that I'm in the way? Could that be valid, or is it just negative self-talk? I mean, I don't want to be so naive that I don't read the signals but at the same time, I really do think I'm competent to help out some - even if I do have limitations - who doesn't?

So I'm torn. I will probably just "let it go" and yet I'm always feeling like I need to stand up for the underdog. I don't donate a lot myself, but I pledge what I can with the little amount of discretionary spending that I have. And it's none of my business what or if anybody else pledges. So this is what is running through the insaney brainy tonight.

It's been over a year

2011-03-28T11:01:00.000-04:00

I had opened up a new blog about my weight-loss journey and promptly began neglecting my writing here. Now I have a 3rd blog chronicling our up-and-coming beekeeping journey and I'm hoping to post some creative rants here from time to time as well. Welcome back the crazy!

Book Review: House Rules, by Jodi Picoult

2010-03-10T11:22:00.003-05:00

Picoult's astounding ability to drag me into the mind and awareness of others has astounded me once again. Jacob, and 18 year old young man who has Asperger's Syndrome is more than just quirky. His current obsession with crime scene invetigation is about to land him in trouble like he's never seen.

All his life, Emma has been attempting to get others to accept her son Jacob in mainstream society. She doesn't want his schools to treat him as if he is simply a label, but to accept him and help him to learn and grow and feel successful. Jacob, just wants to belong. He has no concept that others do not have the same interests as he does. He doesn't understand social norms or that others have expectations of him on a social level. He cannot imagine anybody thinking other than the way he thinks.

Theo is Jacob's younger brother. On the verge of manhood, yet having no father figure, Theo has always fell by the wayside. He often is put into a situation where he is more of a big brother to Jacob than the other way around. His compulsion to belong to a family leads to some criminal behavior and ultimately turns his family of origina inside-out.

The details and research that Picoult puts into her works is truly amazing. Her stories are gripping, and current. House Rules offers the reader an inside look of what could happen when somebody who seems so alien tries to fit into the mainstream world, and how that world misunderstands frankness for admission of guilt. Finally, adults with asperger's can begin to see that they are not alone in this world. Being misunderstood comes with the territory and sometimes even having an interpreter isn't enough to get the message through properly. It is a frustrating way to live.

I'm lacking in the compassion department these days

2010-01-30T21:17:00.003-05:00

I am so glad that tomorrow's sermon at our church is "Unbridled Compassion" because I am just not feeling compassion for people these days. I'm sick and tired of the BS whining about every little thing. Seriously people. Where is your perspective?

There are people with serious issues that are beset upon them for no good reason. I realize this. It sucks. It's unfair. It's ok to feel a little sorry for yourself someetimes. I'm a pro at it myself and my problems aren't real big.

Yes, the economy sucks. You may have lost your job. What are you doing to FIND a job? What are you doing with this gift of TIME that has been given to you? Are you sitting playing video games night and day or are you sharing that time by volunteering to make somebody else's life better? There is a lot of need out there people. Get off your sorry butts and go out and give of yourself. You can volunteer at churches, shelters, soup kitchens, hospitals, schools, animal rescue centers, and endless numbers of places. If I was an employer, the first thing I'd look at is how people kept themselves busy and productive during their time of unemployment. It would make a big difference to me if somebody at least had a letter from an elderly neighbor saying that Joe Schmoe helped them take care of their yardwork while he was unemployed. Don't know where to start volunteering? Here's an idea - what do you sit around and complain about? Are you sick about the library shelves being messy when you take the kids there? Well, then volunteer to help straighten them. The people you meet when you're volunteering could be contacts to your next job. You may even gain some skills.

Are you KIDDING me?

2010-01-26T09:45:00.003-05:00

I was shocked to see this on a "friend's" Facebook status yesterday.

"I am so tired of seeing this commie prick of a President on TV all the time trying to twist crap around and give away our money to other countries but not bring our troops home from being slaughtered everyday in 2 scenceless no good wars !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Now let me first admit that I'm not sure I remember this person from highschool, despite the fact that we graduated together. The first name is very common and so is the last. This isn't a person who posts infrequently, is a teacher, and seems pretty quiet. So, here is my response from this morning . . .

I had to come back to this and respond. Maybe (hopefully) somebody hacked into your account and did that as some kind of sick joke.

1. All people should be treated with respect and dignity. Name-calling is childish and undignified in any case, but especially so in this context.

2. Haiti was quite possibly the poorest country on the planet before this horrible tragedy struck, with over 250,000 orphaned children, no sustainable infrustructure, and no economy to speak of. It would be arrogant to presume that America's needs are any more important than Haiti's right now.... See More

3. There are different perspectives to every "truth" that is told. Expressing a perspective that is outside of your paradigm is not twisting it.

4. As you know, our current president didn't start these wars. We were attacked on our own homefront. The previous president started the counter-attack and to draw out our troops now would be admitting defeat and opening up our country to more attacks.

5. You spelled "senseless" wrong.

Sleep issues, anybody?

2010-01-16T21:12:00.004-05:00

I slept a lot of today away and I'm pretty sure I could be asleep again in less than 20 minutes if I tried. Sleep issues? Not just issues, I got the whole subscription, baby!

I can't sleep if somebody is touching me. At least not human. I can sleep with a cat laying by me outside of the covers, but not directly touching me. No humans may touch me at any time during sleep. I'm pretty sure I could sleep with a medium-sized dog. In fact, life would probably be practically perfect with a pooch. Dogs and alliteration are obsessions for another post, however.

I snore. Badly. I need to do a sleep study, I'm sure I have apnea. Don't tell me I better do it and it's good for me and it can save my life. I know all that, but I can't do it. I got issues.

I kick and twitch and flop around a lot when I sleep. If this bothers you, stay the hell away man, cuz I gotta get my sleep.

I can't fall asleep in a car, with anybody but my husband (or my daughter if I'm extremely exhausted) in the room, or if there's any chance that somebody could "get" me. I can, however, sleep in an airplane full of strangers with the blower directly on my face full force, no matter what.

Sleep is my escape. I love to sleep. Can't get enough sleep.

Nobody better wake me up. I have known to startle awake and start hitting. I'm mean when I wake up> I hate waking up. I often wake up feeling under attack. Did I mention I have issues surrounding sleep?

Wow, this is making me sleepy.

Thanks to my pals at Meme Express for the inspiration to snooze my day away.

TTT: Why haven't they invented?

2010-01-05T17:15:00.003-05:00

1. An underground heating system that would automatically melt snow off of sidewalks and driveways?

2. Crustless bread

3. a remote control that you can "find" by pushing a button on your TV

4. a way to defog the front windshield of a car as quickly as the back window

5. a scanner built into a microwave so that you just 'beep' the barcode on your TV dinner and it knows how long to cook it

6. a non-kid section in retaurants

7. a no-perfume section everywhere!

8. a garbage disposal that doesn't spit at you

9. shock collars for contractors who don't show up at their appointed times

10. shock collars for parents who scream at or hit their children

Been writing some today

2010-01-02T13:02:00.002-05:00

Not sure if any of it is of share-able quality yet. Posting it on Helium, though to get some feedback. Today is my first time "alone" in a long while. I cherish these few hours but look forward to when my family returns in a few hours. Can't help but love them!

I've heard over and over again lately that my husband doesn't smile. Nobody sees him smile. He must be miserable. I have a little secret. (He smiles all the time at home.)

New Year's Eve/Day Superstitions

2009-12-31T23:17:00.004-05:00

These are customs (completely made up by my friend Pam and myself) that should be followed to ensure good luck in the new year

- Wear your pajamas backwards to ensure that things will go "the right way" in the new year

- If you are yawning when the new Year rings in, you will have great oxygenation all year long

- Buying me the new Girl of the Year doll from American Girl on New Years Day will ensure you are lucky all the years of your life!

- Hide a book outside before sundown and bring it in on New Years day. This will ensure your year will be full of enlightened literature.

- Rub noses with your loved ones after your midnight kisses, to make sure you will not "rub each other the wrong way" throughout the coming year

- Make sure that a woman is the first one to enter your home on New Year's Day. This will ensure positive flow of communication throughout the year. Because she doesn't have to ask for directions, you will not get lost this year. Due to her resourcefulness and multitasking abilities, things will come easier this year.

- Give all your money to the oldest female in the house, to make sure that you have luck in love year-round

- Do not fart in the kitchen and your wife will not kill you

End of ought-nine

2009-12-30T22:00:00.003-05:00

We spend January 1 walking through our lives, room by room, drawing up a list of work to be done, cracks to be patched. Maybe this year, to balance the list, we ought to walk through the rooms of our lives... not looking for flaws, but for potential. ~Ellen Goodman

In the spirit of the above quote, and because I missed TTT yesterday, I am going to list 10 things I'm happy to have experienced this past year.

1. Attended a fabulous class reunion and reconnected with some wonderful folks
2. Did some writing publicly, and grew from the feedback received
3. Moved into our dream house
4. Hosted a sleepover with a dozen little 2nd through 4th graders
5. Overcame my fear of driving to Chicago
6. Watched my daughter mature enough to fall in love with church
7. Volunteered my brains out
8. Gave to charity
9. Helped friends in need
10. Visited my brother-in-law's family in Florida for the first time
* Bonus - accepted and learned more about Asperger's and Cassandra's to more fully understand and appreciate one of my most important people.

I challenge you to put away your failures and instead of thinking how you could do better next year, find at least 10 things for which you can back yourself on the backk for accomplishing this year. Celebrate your accomplishements and enter the new year with your head held high!

Ten Things Tuesday

2009-12-22T06:56:00.002-05:00

Ten things I'm looking forward to right now

1 One of my very best friends coming to visit from TN
2 Our quick trip to Chicago
3 My first visit to Mideival Times
4 Lunch at Packo's tomorrow
5 The end of cold and flu season
6 Watching kiddo unwrap her gifts
7 A few quiet days at home
8 Christmas Eve Service
9 My daughter's dedication
10 City water

Pray for me!

2009-12-16T22:51:00.002-05:00

(Yes, sorry - another religion one)

I'm sure a lot of people who have read my blog are already praying ABOUT me if not for me. "Please God," I imagine them to plead "please don't let her influence young children."

I admit to being a Facebook addict, and I have also come to the realization recently that I have been way too generous with the connections I allow on there. To be fair, I have connected with people from my past that I wouldn't give up now for all the tea in China (never mind that I don't drink tea, it's just an expression). But some days, I just have to wonder if maybe I shouldn't set some more strict criteria (read "any at all") to my standards of whom I will accept as Facebook friends. Recently I've started hiding a whole group of people, although I don't have the heart to "unfriend" them. These are the people who ask for prayers in their status updates.

Especially annoying are those who ask for prayers for mysterious reasons or those who ask us to pray for their friends (named or unspecified, doesn't matter). Now I'm not saying that there isn't somthing to this power of prayer phenomenon. Positive thinking has been shown to be helpful in many cases. Of course, you can positively influence your future by also makeing careful choices about your own behavior . . . but I realize that some things are simply beyond our control.

It's not the quoting of scripture that bothers me, either. Unless, of course, it is being used to condemn others. I love quotes in general, and when they are used in a meaningful way they are even better, whether they are from scripture or other literature.

What I find intolerable is when people ask for prayers and imply that the more prayers that are received, the more God is likely to listen. I want to say to them "This is NOT American Idol!People!" God isn't waiting for his prayer-phone to ring to see how many calls he gets from each of the righteous in behalf of the pitiable. Or maybe he does, and that explains why there are little children that hide in closets praying that dad/brother/mother/stepparent/whoever doesn't come to get them again tonight. They are only one small prayer for the cause, while THOUSANDS of Facebook strangers may be praying to the same diety in hopes that Mr. Skippy John Jones will be able to conceive another child. If that's the way it works, I don't like it. So, I'm just going to reject the whole idea, hope for the best, and try to stay positive. That is, after I remove these annoying people from my Facebook News Feed.

TTT Ten things Tuesday: Holiday amusements

2009-12-15T23:20:00.003-05:00

Ten happenings that confound (& amuse) me at this time of year:

1. Parents of elementary schoolers being irate that somebody may have told their child the truth.

2. Shoppers who think that "saving" money means paying less for something that their loved ones will have to pretend to appreciate, instead actually putting the money in their own bank account.

3. Neighbors using their unemployment checks to buy decorations for their home which will drive up their utility bills.

4. Parents forcing their children to sit on the lap of a disguised stranger and then being frustrated when the child cries and/or struggles to be free.

5. Getting up in the wee hours of the morning in the cold to buy something that you could've purchased online.

6. "Jesus is the Reason for the Season" signs and buttons (no, he's not)

7. Receiving unsigned mass produced greeting cards from people who don't take a moment to call, write, or email all year long

8. Baking a variety of cookies and then putting them all into a sealed tin together so they all end up tasting the same.

9. Every show on TV has to produce their own version of Dickens' A Chritmas Carol

10. People justifying all of this bizarre behavior because of a date on a calendar.

Believe!

2009-12-14T08:45:00.004-05:00

One of the many things that gets on my nerves these days, especially this time of year, is when people confuse the word "believe" with the word "know".

It annoys the hell out of me when somebody tells my kid that they "know" that when they die, they will go to heaven (for whatever reason). This is wrong on so many levels.

1. You don't KNOW that, you believe it. Hell, I'd like to believe it to. Who wouldn't want to spend eternity in paradise? Problem is, there are a lot of molestors, mutilators, and killers who "know" they are going there too and my paradise doesn't include those people. Jesus, God, Allah, Yoda, or whoever may forgive them, but I don't. And I don't have to. And you can't make me.

2. By stating that you are going to heaven because you fulfill some religious obligation, it implies that those of us who don't subscribe to your doctrine will be excluded from the privilege. What kind of god is that egotistical that we have to accept only that one diety as our savior? Really? Seriously? People BUY that? So if I join your club, I'll be saved, but if I don't play by your rules, I can't go to your heavenly clubhouse? Ok, I stopped playing with that kid down the block when I was eight years old. Not going back.

3. How dare you pity me and pray for me to find my way. Don't waste your time. My life is good, I follow the main principles of goodness as bet I can, as defined by most world religions. I strive to be a better person every day and appreciate what I have, making good choices and accepting the consequences when my choices are not so good or not so well planned out. Whether or not I attend your church, it does not define my worth as a person.

4. You say you know, but you don't know. HOw do you know? Because you read it in the bible? You honestly think those stories are factual? You don't see how closely some of those parables mirror Aesops fables, or other lesson-teaching stories of ancient times? Who wrote that tomb? DOZENS of people contributed to that, after Jesus' death. Only after he was gone did people consider him THE son of God. Before that, he was a son of god, like any other man. That's how he referred to himself. He did not put himself above others and claim to be a diety.

5. People don't come back to life after they're dead. They just don't. Especially not 2000 years ago before shock paddle and Epi drips and all of those other cool things they have on ER-type shows these days. You believe that, really? c'mon!

6. People don't have babies without having sex. It's just not the way it works. All mammals are that way. People are mammals. They copulate. Anybody who says they are a virgin when they give birth is either (1) lying or (2) saying that they are unmarried, not unbroken.

Ok, I'm ranting. I have my own beliefs too. I like my beliefs. But I admit that I don't "KNOW" what, if anything, happens when we die, whether or not there is one supreme diety, or if any of us will get to heaven, nirvana, etc. Saying that you know shows a lot of ego and just makes me plain cranky. And now that I've gotten that off my chest, I can go think about something else for while.

I read a quote on Julia Sweeney's blog that most people don't Believe as much as they Believe in the power of Believing. She attributed that gem to a man by the name of Daniel Dennett. I must read more about him. Her post, along with some interactions I've had the past year that have lingered in my subconscious, really got me thinking.

PS I love Julia's blog. I wish I was as articulate with well-considered things to say as she is.

The 6 W's

2009-12-13T20:41:00.003-05:00

The 6 W's Meme
Swiped from What If This is As Good As it Gets?

Who...

Is easy to love? my daughter

Do you just wanna smack? People who smack others

Do you trust? very few

Do you talk to when you're alone? BFF, on the phone

What...

Dangerous things do you do while driving? talk on the phone, eat

Are you allergic to? penicillin, perfumes, plastics

Is Satan's last name? duh, Claus!

Is the freakiest thing in your house?... my 6-footed cat

When . . .

Is the best time to turn over a new leaf? every day

Will you be all that you can be? every day I can be more than the day b4

Is enough enough? a few minutes before I start screaming

Do you go to the dark side? Way too often

Where...

Are your pants? on my butt

Is your last will and testament? in progress

Is your junk food stash? in the pantry

Is Carmen Sandiego? that's none of my business

Why...

Was the Lone Ranger alone? he wasn't.

Was The Scarlet Letter scarlet? so it was noticible

Are musicians sexy and plumbers not? because you obviously have a preconceived notion of what "sexy" looks like

Are there no seat belts on school buses? nobody has figured out how to become rich off of it.

Would you...

Swim the English Channel for a doughnut and coffee? If not that, what? no - nothing.

Forgive someone who deliberately hurt you? possibly, but not everybody

Rather believe a lie if it hurt you less than the truth? I don't think so

You still be alive if you were sucked out of an airplane window? no, I'd be skinned

Grief vs. Obsession

2009-12-13T19:03:00.003-05:00

How do we know when grieving has gone too far and turned to obsession?

I am starting out my week realizing that it is the anniversary of the week my sweet nephew Sullivan stopped breathing and was rushed to the local hospital and then life-flighted to Toledo Children's. He was 5 weeks old. Obviously, I still remember that day, and I think of him off and on, but I try not to torture myself thinking about that or about the long time of suffering he had after that before he finally left us 22 months later. Thinking about it brings up so much anger and grief and frustration and the whole "it's not FAIR!" mentality that I have to consciously choose NOT to go there. I just quietly ache from time to time and then make myself move on.

I know that avoidance and denial aren't good things either, but life is for the living, is it not? I don't want to take away from others in my life by squandering time wallowing in grief over something that happened 9 years ago but am I grieving "enough"? I don't know who keeps score and knows when enough is enough. Part of me thinks, well I don't spend enough time remembering him, but at the same time, what good could that possibly do him now? Seriously, if he's in heaven, then it's paradise whether or not I think about him, is it not? How can what I do here on this lowly planet have any effect on what happens there? Not that I believe, but that's best-case-scenario.

I don't know what happens. I'm glad he's not suffering and trapped inside a body that his damaged brain cannot control. I'm glad we had those first smiles and connection just before his first emergency. I'm even glad he puked on me. He was a normal, healthy baby, for sure. It is sad that he was sick for so long, struggled so hard, and died so young, but what Greater Good is served if I wallow in it and dwell on every 1-week, 1-month, 1-life anniversary. It's hard not to do so.

End of babbling.

Jerk

2009-12-11T11:19:00.004-05:00

There's this guy I went to highschool with, he graduated the year after me. He's a completely self-absorbed asshole who is mean-spirited and cares about nothing but himeself and he's decided to go for another deployment in Afghanistan jut to piss me off. God, I hate this guy. All his pretentious showing off by volunteering for charity, risking his life for our country, loving his wife and son. If you ask me, he's just doing it for attention just like he had 12 inches of dead tissue removed from his colon last month just for sympathy. Whaa, whaa, whaa. Crybaby.

so.

2009-12-10T21:53:00.002-05:00

So, I invited my mom to come stay with me for my birthday for a few days. I thought it would be really cool because it coincided with her only grandchild's first choir performance and I'm turning 40 and it's been 40 years since the last time she gave birth. Coincidence? hardly. Anyway, between some horrid virus and wonky NW Ohio weather, she isn't going to be able to make it. I was getting anxious about her visit, beacause she hasn't been to stay over since she moved out and moved in with my sister after sneaking around making plans behind my back. My husband wasn't exactly looking forward to it either, considering the betrayal he feel and the fact that it's also his birthday, who could blame him? So for all my blustering and worrying, I'm disappointed that she's not here and not coming until maybe after the birthday. I'm just never happy.

So, tomorrow is dd's concert, first time in choir and I'm really excited for her. I think she's a great performer. I wish she would have a little more support in the audience than just me, though. Why do they have these things during the day when her dad works? Why did all her grandparents move away? Well, maybe my cousin will come but I haven't heard from him and I'm worried he might be sick. He has a tendancy to catch pneumonia, poor ol' dude. I haven't heard from him for a week or so. Maybe he's just busy.

So, 40 is old, but not as old as my mom was when I was born. I never really thought she was old until around 75. Maybe it's this virus that's got me down.

So, I'm having special company for Christmas and then I get to go to Chicago for a couple days. My honey is taking off work but it's unclear whether or not he's coming along or if he's going to stay home and get things accomplished here while we're out of the way. I'm not looking forward to Chicago driving, but it'll be ok. I don't know if we'll do much touristy other than the Medieval Times event we're scheduled to go to.

So, I should go to bed so I can kick this evil virus/terrorist plot that I have adn hope that I'll feel better in the morning. I should start reading a new book. Maybe the latest Dan Brown? Tis the season!

Only a few more days left before I'm not 40

2009-12-07T00:06:00.001-05:00

Maybe I should figure out what I want to be when I grow up.

Nah . ..

What is the proper response?

2009-12-05T10:59:00.002-05:00

Somebody please help me know what to do in these situations. They seem to be recurring and I am confused at what the proper response should be.

1. The radio is on when you enter the room, you begin to enjoy the radio and laugh along with the quirky Car Talk guys while preparing your breakfast. After about 10 minutes, once you are getting into it, the radio is suddenly and worldlessly turned off.

2. You're having a discussion with somebody who (1) doesn't like to be interrupted and (2) tends to take extremely long pauses. You have been the last one to speak, suddenly he says "why the long silence?"

3. You're sitting in the living room with at least one other person. A third person comes into the room and greets only the other person.

I think we'll start with these three and see what kind of advice I receive before moving on.

Random wallowing

2009-12-05T00:26:00.004-05:00

I had a fairly crappy week this week.

I have tons of friends but only about 2 that I can count on to check in with me on a regular basis. And that doesn't count my sister who I talk to once a week and my cousin who lives right down the road and I see at least once a month.

Most of these friends simply enjoy my sense of humor when we're together and probably rarely think of me outside of that. Almost none of them will go out of their way to call me or come visit. Lots don't even bother to return my calls anymore.

I've felt a lot of rejection lately, even though my logical side tells me that it isn't probably personal. I'm not good at pretending that it doesn't tear me up inside that people that I see on a daily basis, people that I'm related to by marriage, for instance, don't care to ask how things are going for me or how they can make things better. If I mention anything, I'm accused of trying to lay a guilt trip on them or attacking them, or manipulating. Then I feel even worse. So, trying to communicate isn't doing me any good. It' leaves me feeling even more worthless than before. So, I take my meds and go to bed hoping that I will wake up and it will all be okay again. When was the last time it was ok? I don't remember.

I'm looking forward to my mom coming to visit next week - it's nice to know that she wants to hang out with me once in a while. I've really been enjoying my daughter more and more every day. I don't want her to go to camp at the end of January and I think it's mostly for selfish reasons. I don't like to miss anything. I've never been away from here where we couldn't at least talk on the phone on a daily basis.

One of my biggest fears is ending up in a mental ward. This camp thing may drive me to it. Maybe if I'm heavily medicated, it will be all right. I doubt it. She is my comfort item. I'm pretty sure that's probably an unhealthy attachment, right? It's one of the few attachments I have, so I guess it's better than none at all isn't it??

I wasted a helluva lot of time waiting this week. That pisses me off. It's bad enough when I waste my own time playing on facebook or reading a book, but other people wasting my time is simply annoying.

At least I did my regular volunteering this week and felt I could be helpful and useful and make a difference in the world some small way. It keeps me going - that and my sweet girl. What am I going to do without her - incommunicado - for FIVE DAYS???

meds should be kicking in soon. At least I blogged.

TTT - Crimes I have recently committed

2009-07-15T08:21:00.002-04:00

1. Clipping nails at 11 pm after having accidentally speared myself in my sleep.
2. Not allowing crazy relatives to have overnight trips alone with my baby (ok, 7 year old).
3. Wanting people to use their own PC's instead of mine at night when I would like to use it to help me wind down
4. Having feelings
5. Assuming that I'd get reimbursed the hundred bucks I paid out of pocket for a contractor deposit
6. Expecting to go along with hubster to his class reunion
7. Wanting quiet time
8. Not following a script of what to say to others
9. Failure to argue
10. Breathing wrong

I almost blogged today

2009-07-07T09:11:00.002-04:00

And then I remembered that life is too busy and I really shouldn't take time to sit down and blog.

Ten Things Tuesday - 10 blogs I love that are not people I know IRL

2009-02-24T07:17:00.002-05:00

1. Bent Objects - I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Terry is an artistic genius.

2. This isn't what I ordered - Fannie has a great way of taking little snippets of her day and including us all

3. The Reneck Mommy - keeping it real

4. List of the day - cary finds some great stuff out there!

5. The Blue Door - great perspectives on life

6. The Meme Express - awesome writing ideas, and interesting things to consider

7. The Pioneer Woman - Bree lives out several of my fantasies

8. The Blog Weemade - kid's art. Love it

9. Craftastrophe - garaunteed laugh every time I go there

10. Fred Walsh Photos - gorgeous nature photography

Why did Mary have a little lamb?

2009-01-28T22:02:00.003-05:00

Here is something I wrote recently for Helium and have gotten good ratings on. I'd love to see your feedback.

Why did Mary have a little lamb?

Mary was staying with her great-grandparents while her parents were at work this week. Normally, she would’ve been at school for lunch. Because of a horrible miscommunication, however, she had been suspended for three days. She didn’t want to think about that ugly incident presently, though. To pay her penance, she had reluctantly agreed to spend the three days helping her elderly relatives on their small farm outside of Boston for a few days.

Ten-year-old Mary was trying to use proper table manners as her mother had taught her. Her parents had been using Emily Post's guides to steer her through the intricacies of socializing, and she knew that it would be rude to refuse food while a guest in somebody's home. She realized that if she tasted some food she didn't like, she should leave it on her plate without comment and continue politely eating the remainder of the meal. So, without questioning the source of the tender-looking meat placed on her plate, she tried a nibble. It was delicious! She proceeded to have a little more.

This special meal was prepared to share with her parents on the day they came to retrieve her and take her home. She recognized the taste of raspberries and assumed that they were from the bucket she and Pappaw had picked in the fields yesterday. She also recognized the rosemary that she had gathered for Nanny that morning from her sweet little potted herb garden in the kitchen window. It was only the rich, delicious, tender meat that she didn’t recall ever tasting before.

She awaited a lull in the conversation, she took the opportunity to ask her great-grandmother what the main dish was called.

“Why Mary”, Sarah Hale told her great-granddaughter, “I thought you knew! This was the freshly butchered meat your parents sent with you on the train.”

Mary nearly froze in her place, fork in mid-air. She glanced at her parents, who both averted their eyes, and continued to busily push their garlic-roasted red potatoes around their plates.

“But . ... wha - what’s it called Nanny?” she inquired nervously “It’s truly scrumptious!”

“The recipe is called ‘Leg of Lamb with Raspberry Sauce’ my dear. I’m sorry.”

Her peripheral vision grew dark, and then darker. The last thing she heard consciously was her fork hitting her plate. The room spun round and round and she felt her chair wobble and vanish from beneath her. The wood plank floor came up to meet the side of her face with a quick smack. Then, she was lost in a world of dream-like remembrance.

First, she remembered the long train ride and having to carry not only her own luggage, but also an insulated nylon cooler filled with packed meat. Her dad had stopped at the butcher on the way to the train station, and the packages were already prepared for him. The charge was very little, and the package was decorated with a big “Service Only” sticker. Mary had meant to ask father the meaning of the label on their walk to the station, but had forgotten once they stepped out into the warm sunlit fresh air. After that, she only remembered it as an extra burden that she was required to tote.

Memories swirled and revolved, and then swiveled some more. She found herself back at school on that fateful day. She hadn't realized that she had left the pature gate open. Snowy could be very sneaky when he wanted to be, and had the reputation for being quiet for a baby. When she arrived at the yard of the small country school, however, the children began to laugh and play about her. This is when she realized she had been followed. Extremely embarrassed, she didn't know what to do at first. This was not the first time he tagged along and she had been warned. It seemed that anywhere she went these days, he was sure to go!

Of course, she knew that pets weren't allowed at school, and feared she would be in a great deal of trouble once her instructor discovered the scrape she was in. Oh, she had made a fine mess of things now! She began immediately lecturing her pet.

"You must behave!" she exclaimed "or you will have to go!"

"I'll be goo-oo-ood" he replied, in the way only a talking lamb could "Because I love you so!"

The gasp of the shocked students around her seemed to suck all available oxygen from the air. She, too, had been amazed by this hidden talent for oration. Mary could neither speak nor breathe. She turned on her heel and saw the school's headmaster gaping in astonishment. Mary immediately fainted dead away. The next thing she remembered she was regaining consciousness in the nurse's office and her parents were present. Soon, they explained her suspension from school and that she would have to go stay on the farm for a few days since they could not miss work to supervise her at home. She had also been informed that her beloved pet, Snowy, would not be waiting for her when she returned home.

Can you hear me now?

2009-01-25T22:04:00.001-05:00

Kreative Blogger Award.

2009-01-25T21:28:00.002-05:00

I received this award from Cari at "KotiBeth" and I thank her very much for thinking of me.

The rules of receiving this award and passing it along to other bloggers are as follows:

The award- upon receipt, the recipient is to list six things that make her/him happy before subsequently passing forward the glee to others. So here goes:

1.My daughter
2.My friends - including a few to whom I'm related
3.Writing
4.Reading
5.Wildlife
6.America

Here are the creative bloggers I'm going to tag

1. Priscilla
2. Sarah
3. Lavada
4. Adria
5. Mandy
6. Debbie

Your turn, gals!

Restaurant dining

2009-01-23T21:37:00.004-05:00

Eatin out

Chickens ain't got fingers
Buffaloes got no wings
Chili isn't cold
And beans ain't got no strings

All the stuff they serve here
It ain't makin' no darn sense
Instead of bein' relaxin'
This restaurant makes me tense!

I made up this poem for my daughter today as we were waiting to be served at the local Big Boy. It reminded me of my Aunt Vilena who was always so good at making up silly rhymes to make me giggle when I was little. She's 91 now and not what she once was. I miss the good ol' days sometimes, and others I think that these are the good old days.

My newest addiction

2009-01-18T22:39:00.002-05:00

As if I need anything else to keep me from doing housework, I have become addicted to the Helium writer's website. Click the red thing over to the left side of the page and see what it's like. Submit something yourself and you'll soon be hooked. It's probably a scam, but I'm enjoying while I can and it's FREE.

Adventures of a sahm

2009-01-17T22:47:00.002-05:00

My ever-helpful bladder wakes me up promptly around 5:30 a.m. every morning. Then I have about an hour of "alone" time if I am lucky. I can check the weather forecast, school closings, e-mail, Facebook, and maybe do a little blogging or find writing prompts to think about for the day. All too soon, my husband's alarm clock is sounding and my kid’s is chiming in shortly after. I turn off both alarms and begin my favorite part of the day: nagging people to get out of bed. I turn on every light in the house and also radio. I tune to the station that plays the annoying 80's classics that I love. I drag myself into the kitchen and turn on the space heater so that the tile floor is not too frosty for sensitive seven-year-old toes.

Around this time, I aptly employ another round of boisterous nagging of people to get out of the darn beds already! We're going to be late! Why must I spend the first part of my day convincing people to go to work and school? It’s a good thing that I love to nag, and was trained first-hand by the Grand Queen of all nagmeisters, otherwise I could get really irritable around about now. As it is, I live to say the same thing over and over (and over) first thing in the morning. Honestly, I would be disappointed if they actually got up and turned off their own alarm clocks and let me sleep in for once while they took care of themselves.

Next on my agenda is breakfast. If I feel generous with my time, I will serve overcooked bacon and microwave pancakes. One an especially lucky day, I will get them some juice, buttery spread, and light syrup to enjoy their goodies with. Maybe even plates and silverware – hey, I’m good at my job. Other days, it’s milk and cereal for the little ingrates.

The smell of bacon cooking is a sure-fire bet to lure them out of their warm beds. The bleary-eyed zombies slog into the kitchen and sit in front of the “food” and proclaim that they are too tired to eat. This from the same family who plowed through a half a spiral sliced ham and a vat of mashed potatoes last Sunday, and then asked for dessert? I remind them of what happens to food critics that start work too early in the morning – they don’t live to see lunch.

While they fuss about food, I open yesterday’s lunch boxes, swipe them with a damp rag and pronounce them “clean” and throw in a makeshift lunch. This generally consists of something that can be justified as a protein, possibly a fruit-type doo-dad, and maybe some chips. Don’t forget the cold pack and the all important juice pouch. I put random lunches into random back packs, knowing there will be no complaints by the end of the day (or else). Next, I threaten a few lives if they don’t get dressed and ready immediately because the bus is due in 5 minutes and dad’s running too late to play taxi. We all get dressed, I find matching socks for each pair of matching feet – okay, sometimes the socks don’t actually match each other, but as long they keep their BOGO shoes on, nobody will know, right?

After putting everybody’s shoes on the correct feet (except maybe my own which are slippers), I kiss hubster goodbye and walk the kidlet to the bus stop. The bus, of course, is late. January in Ohio is a joy to its own. Times like these, I curse under my breath and wish that I had actually worn day clothes, a coat, hat, and shoes.

Just then, my favorite bank teller/neighbor drives by laughing and waves hello. I grab the edges of my robe and “flash” her my pajamas in response. “Take that, workin’ mom, I’m going back to bed in 20 minutes!” I shout. Behind me, the other neighbor greets us with his usual “good morning” with an underlying chuckle. As I turn around to find out if he had just witnessed my juvenile behavior, he bends down to pick up his newspaper. Straightening his 80-year-old back, he turns to me, flashes his jammies and returns to his house guffawing all the way. The bus arrives, drives my love off to school, and I slide all the way home imagining the stories he will tell “da boys” later at the bridge table of the senior center.

Let's try a limerick today

2009-01-16T23:28:00.003-05:00

In the webworld of internet blog
One man keeps thousands agog
There's no better way
Than the List of the Day
To pull your mind out of the fog

(Thanks for the inspiration Cary!)

Would anybody notice if I didn't blog today?

2009-01-15T22:26:00.002-05:00

I'm trying to be better at writing every day. I did write today, though not here. I wrote 2 new articles for a website called Helium. I'm interested in comments and advice from any other bloggers who have experience with them (or any other site).

Who gets to decide these things?

2009-01-14T10:02:00.010-05:00

The next time I get my resume in order, my career goal will read the following:

"My goal is to be the sole person in charge of deciding which humans can procreate."

Obviously, somebody needs to take charge of this position and I am just the one to do it. Sure, I'll have a committee of consultants, a "cabinet" of advisors, or some such professional guidance to support my authority. Still, I get to have the final say. Also, people will need to reapply to maintain their license, which will be reviewed periodically.

Take for instance, the case of a single father in Idaho, at the young age of 55. Recently, he was on his way to drop his two children - aged eleven and twelve - off at their mother's house. Somehow, the car got stuck in a snow drift about ten miles from their destination so he did what he thought best - told them to walk the rest of the way. In Idaho. In the winter. Did I mention that his daughter was wearing pajamas under her coat? Did I mention that he didn't walk with them? He and his cousin (age 29)stayed with the car. Both of them. These two industrious fellows managed to get the car going again and promptly turned around and went HOME!

Temperatures that day ranged between 27ºF and -5ºF, and winds were blowing at up to 25 mph. Later that day, their mother called and asked why the kids hadn't arrived and "dad" went looking for them. The 11 year old son was found about four miles from where he was dropped off. He had found shelter in a one-stall roadside rest, delerious from being exposed to the elements. His older sister was found dead in a snow bank the next morning. The father and cousin are both being held in prison under charges of murder and felony injury to a child.

According to the Associated Press report, several of the 8,000 citizens of Aragon's community feel he should be forgiven and that he is being judged too harshly. To Aragon, his cousin, and these supporters, I offer a big fat bold red "DENIED" stamp across their foreheads. I cannot imagine any justification for a father's actions in this circumstance. In lieu of jail time, however, they could offer full castration and witholding of heating services to this man's home. Sure, he was a nice guy, he had spent time with his kids, he would never hurt them, or so they all claim. Never mind his drug conviction less than a year ago. Let me speak slowly so that my point may sink in if somebody is kind enough to read this aloud to them:

He.left.his.kids.alone.in.sub-freezing.weather.

NO MORE BREEDING FOR YOU!

Clearly, Mr. Darwin forgot to take a few things into account when he came up with his "survivial of the fittest" theory. Among the factors he neglected to consider, are alcohol and other mind-altering drugs. Sure, the strongest most attractive species might be most likely to copulate and create offspring in a normal situation in the wild, but what about a couple of half-wits in the backseat of a Pinto Wagon outside of a smoky bar at 2 a.m. after a half dozen seven/sevens? Now, I'm not saying for sure Mr. Aragon and his estranged lover were intoxicated when they first got together. I don't even know for certain that they're clinical morons (or even if such a designation exists. These are just theories - like the theory of evolution or . . . gravity.

This rant catalyzed courtesy of today's Yahoo News.

Sincerely,
The hereby self-appointed "reproduction nazi"

Ten on Tuesday

2009-01-13T12:10:00.002-05:00

Ten Things I'm Good At

1. Listening
2. Thinking outside the box
3. Napping
4. Commanding respect from elementary kids
5. Baking
6. Papercrafting
7. Keeping in touch with friends
8. Mundane tasks nobody else wants to do
9. Writing
10. Proofreading

I think I'll go practice #3 for a while!

Top Ten Lists

2009-01-12T23:47:00.003-05:00

I got this prompt from Writer's Digest. How'd I do?

"You've been hired as a writer for "Late Show with David Letterman." Your first assignment is to come up with a witty, nonpolitical Top Ten list for him to read on air. "

Top Ten Reasons to Have a Pet Tiger

10. Snazzy stripes get you noticed in a crowd
9. Save time & money on toothpaste because nobody will be near enough to notice
8. Tigers LOVE to swim!
7. Solicitors will only come 'round to your house once
6. Neighbors go out of their way to be courteous
5. Small yappy doglets are quiet when you walk by
4. They hunt their own food (see #s 7 and 5 above)
3. Orange is a "happy" color
2. They always come running when they hear the can opener
1. Nightime snuggles!

Top Ten Reasons to live in Midwest America

10. Michigan OSU game rivalry is so utterly enchanting
9. Lakes much easier to navigate than oceans
8. Beautiful scenic . . . corn.
7. [sing] Gray skies are gonna clear up! Put on a happy face!
6. We get to rake leaves and shovel snow!
5. Winter sports provide job security for trauma center personnel
4. Food without all that pesky "flavor" them other states use
3. No messy beach sand tracked into the house
2. At least two months out of the year bug-free
1. No annoying accent!

Triple Play Meme

2009-01-11T15:58:00.002-05:00

Copied this one from Randomness

randomness...feed your mind and your blog
week of 12.21.08 name 3 of each
Lets take a break from all the holiday hustle
and bustle to blog a bit. Name 3 of each:

Name 3 of each:
-Pet Peeves
Liars
Suck-ups
Fakes

-Close Friends (choosing the last 3 on my caller ID so I don't hurt feelings)
Mandy
Sarah P
Nicole

-Favorite Movies
The Princess Bride
Anything with Steve Martin
Life is Beautiful

-Foods You Love
brownies
cheese
pasta

-Favorite Books
To Kill A Mockingbird
Anne of Green Gables
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

-TV Shows You Like
Survivor
Brothers and Sisters
Desperate Housewives

-Celebrities You Like
John Mellencamp
Jeff Probst
Jason Mraz

-Favorite Items of Clothing
sweatpants
slippers
Disney hoodie

Peculiar Compulsions

2009-01-10T11:10:00.004-05:00

(a story inspired by today's Meme Express).

Peering over to top of my algebra text, I covertly observed her movements. It was study hour in the middle school library, and I studied her every move. Holding the newest tome of the Sweet Teen romance series in her left hand, her right was busy as usual. Thumb and forefinger would lightly rub the top of her forehead until they found purchase. Delicately, they would pinch a single strand of hair, and slide from the root towards the tip. Once, twice – not ever three times, the hair would be wound around the index finger. Wait for it – relax, yank! Without so much as a cringe, the hair was liberated. Freed from the scalp, the base was carefully examined, checking for the satisfaction of the white follicle, without ever turning her face from her novel. Moments later, the lonely tress would be discarded unceremoniously to the floor, floating to its new home among the carpet fibers. Soon, the right hand would return to what lingered of the thin, wiry mane and the ritual would begin anew, as if of its own will.

Filled with shame, I attempted to redirect my attention to memorizing the binomial concepts in front of me. Focus, I told myself. Still, I felt the heat of my face and knew instantly that it must be displaying a glowing crimson performance for everyone to see. Why should I be the only one watching others to witness what secret horrors they commit in the school library when everyone should have their nose in a book. I knew that the only relief I could expect was later that day, on the bus ride home, when I could press my hot, shamed cheek against the smooth, cool window of the bus. The desk, a mirror, or the back of the bathroom stall door was no match for the relief offered by that cold, clear window. Who would be watching me when I sought my own peculiar satisfaction? To what compulsion would they be driven after witnessing my odd behavior? I couldn’t think of that now. Maybe today I would resist. Or perhaps . . . I would be trying to get a better look at a somewhat familiar dog, or had I already used that one?

Later that day, the bus pulled up to our stop, and I rushed ahead. My long strides could carry me quickly to the door before she caught up with me. I suspected that she was aware of my daily clandestine inspection of her library routine and I was in no hurry to be confronted with that eventuality. How sick could she be, was she putting on a show for me, to ensure that I would feel uncomfortable in my new school? Was this just another of her ways to control me and my thoughts? It would be creepy, but not impossible. Mostly, though, I was in a hurry so that our fellow commuters might not realize my deepest secret: she is my sister.

(I feel I could build on this . . .but to what end?) Putting myself in that other mind has all but exhausted me for now).

Bar Burgers

2009-01-09T22:32:00.002-05:00

Over at Meme Express they're talking about burgers today and I settled for soup and salad for lunch? WhAT wAs I tHiNkInG? McDonald's or BK is fine if I'm in a hurry, but as a certified fat lady, I loves me a great big jucy bar burger!

I don't drink, so why else would I go hang out at a bar with my friends? FOOD! Especially the bar burger. I have been wracking my elderly brain to try to think of the bar we used to go to after a hard week's work at KeyBank every Friday. It was some dude's name . . . not Eddie's, not Ralphie's . . .what WAS that? I think the bar is gone now . . .or maybe not. It was right next to the recently closed Ponderosa on one of the most dangerous intersections in our great state of oooooOOOOOHIOOOOOoooooo.

They had the best burger ever. It was even fun to order. It was the Triple Cheese Burger! It sounded like I was about to eat an entire side of beef, but it was just one nice thick juicy patty with three cheeses on it - American, Swiss, and what else was it? Damn, getting old sucks. They're out of business now anyway, but I hate that I can't remember the name of the place when we went there so dang often!

Nowadays I enjoy and of the yummy burgers at a nearby dive -oops, I mean bar - called Doc Watsons. As long as you don't go there on St. Patty's Day or on your lunch brea, it's got decent service. The important thing is, though - the bar burger.

The Lyons Den is another favorite bar burger, but mostly because you can get a big freaking pile o' onion rings to go along with it.

Dang, I'm hungry. And fat. And I will be up all damn night trying to think of that restaurant/bar which probably had nothing to do with some dude's name.

Laundry Woman!!!

2009-01-07T17:21:00.003-05:00

Some moron asked me recently if I missed my laundry woman. This person should be institutionalized for ever having suggested such a thing.

While I still don't enjoy doing laundry . . . . what I don't miss is

1. The extra high water bill from doing laundry daily whether or not we have a full load

2. All of my clothes being dried at high heat so that they often come out of the laundry a different size and/or shape than they went in.

3. The sighing and huffing if I don't get dressed in time so that Saturday laundry can be done according to her busy schedule.

4. Piles of clothes on my sofa instead of in my dresser.

5. Not being able to take a shower when I want to because she's using the hot/hot cycle to fade all my colors.

. .. and oh so much more. But the way I felt when she said "laundry woman" just made me feel like Steve Martin.

Thank you to one of my new favorite blogs - Meme Express - for helping me get that off my chest.

January is "Oatmeal" month

2009-01-02T07:20:00.003-05:00

I'm pretty sure that there is some smiling quaker behind this scheme. Forget Mona Lisa, this guy's expression seems pretty suspicious if you ask me!

Try as I might, I have never been able to tolerate the texture of oatmeal. I return to my toddler self gagging and wiping it off my tongue as soon as it touches. I tell myself it is good for me and that I need to be better about eating it. Alas, I cannot choke it down. It is a cross I must bear, my failure to consume warm lumpy healthiness each morning. The mere thought of it is driving me to scrape my teeth over my tongue to rid the organ of that foul vomit-like sensation in my mouth.

For all my picky eating habits as a child, the few that remain are mostly texture related. I can now consume some very smooth tomato sauce on pasta - although it will still upset my stomach. I can eat raw spinach, but once it is cooked, you are not getting that slimy weed near my mouth! I can watch other people eat cereal in milk now, but still have no desire for those mixed textures touching my sensitive lips.

As I've grown, I've learned that other people also have such issues. Growing up I felt like a complete freak. It wasn't just that I didn't "like" the food. It was completely unable of tolerating it. Maybe mom is right, and it is all in my head. After all, where else would I keep my mouth?

Our Nashville Trip

2008-12-24T15:47:00.002-05:00

Dd and I are home at last from our long weekend in Nashville area. Due to weather conditions, our trip started a day early and ended a day late. We had a wonderful time and are so very appreciative to our hostess. I would blog in more detail about the trip, but "Picture Pam" has already done such a fine job of it, you should simply check out her blog instead.

Pam got her nickname when our friend Mandy's oldest son was little. His entire babyhood was documented by Pam. All of our company outings at GWCC were also recorded for posterity under her watchful lens. Many families have benefited from her love of children, of play, and of photos. Photography is her hobby and should be her profession. Nobody can capture a story like Pam. Thanks again for your hospitality, companionship and "Christmas Gifts!"

Check out our pictures at picture Pam's blog

2008-12-19T21:27:00.001-05:00

www.dpfluent.blogspot.com

XBFF

2008-12-08T20:23:00.002-05:00

Have I mentioned how much I love Facebook? I'm a complete addict now. Anybody want to play online scrabble with me, just come on over!

Anywho . .. . I've recently been "found" by my old (same age as me) BFF, Carol, and am so excited to be reunited. I guess technically, you could say that my mom and sister ran into her at a mall 2 hours away from here and THEN she looked me up on Facebook, but I'd rather give FB the credit. I like it more than I like my sister!

Let me just drop what I'm doing and take care of your problem . . . .

2008-11-30T23:07:00.003-05:00

I'm baaaaAAAAAaaack (and highly disgruntled).

I like to think of myself as a flexible person who is able to adapt to change. Maybe it's not true, but it's what I like to think on most days. Tonight, however, I am feeling just a little bit pissy about this whole adapting to everybody else's schedule bullshit.

After visiting the doc last week, and seeing the blimpo in the mirror daily since then, I have become motivated to return to my exercise routine. I decided to try something new and re-work my schedule so that I could go to the Y and work out before dd returns from school. I contacted all interested parties and had everything arranged to do just that starting tomorrow. You may scoff, but setting up the TIVO to record my soaps and re-scheduling the bon-bon delivery truck isn't simple!

Relaxing here in the mansion viewing the newest art film with my offspring tonight, my cell phone rang. The NERVE of that machine to ring after 8 p.m. was astounding, but I answered nonetheless. The caller informed me that instead of being home at 3:20 tomorrow afternoon, I'll need to be sitting in the carpool pickup line starting around 2:30. So, there goes my workout. I was really looking forward to it, too, and even informed my workout buddies and got them to agree to come with me. After all the juggling I had to do to make it a possibility in the first place, this was the last straw.

I guess I'll just have to fit sweating in at home some time between cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping, returning overdue books, recycling, taking out the trash, training for Cookie Mom duties, and whatever else gets thrown at me. Sometimes I just get the feeling that people think that SAHMs are just sitting around and have no schedule. Trust me people, I do not STAY AT HOME! I volunteer 3 different places, not to mention helping my friends whenever they need me, and am constantly learning and striving to be better at this job which has no payroll and no respect. But hey - let me just drop what I'm doing so that my life doesn't interfere with your schedule. I wouldn't want you to be inconvenienced, after all! HMPH!

Oh, look at that - time to take my meds.

For cat lovers:

2008-11-29T06:43:00.000-05:00

List Of The Day: Craigslist Ad Of The Day: My Cat Sprayed Ass On Me

Yes, this actually happened to me.

2008-11-27T22:13:00.003-05:00

It almost even cheered me up about my whole family moving away from me (but I still feel sorry for myself a little).

We had planned to meet my mother and sister at a half-way point between our homes and have our holiday dinner there today. I called ahead and found a place, they assured me they would be open and we decided to meet there at 11 a.m. to beat the rush. We got there a few minutes early and after we were all seated the waitress let us know that the menu wouldn't be in use today - they had options of several meals including prime rib, turkey, leg of lamb, ham, and maybe something else. Also, that John - the restaurant owner, from 11am to 2pm - would be picking up the tab in the spirit of the holidays!

No bill. No kidding. What? That's what I said. NO FREAKIN CHARGE. Five people at our table, big meals. Delicious. FREE.

I hope the waitress enjoys her $62 tip because hubby and I emptied our pockets for her (we had planned on using the debit card). Plus, my mom gave her $2 because she's deaf and had no clue what was going on, as usual. My always grateful sister, of course, gave nothing and complained that there was no pie offered to us.

Oh, and the food was AWESOME. Even if we would've paid for it, it would have been well worth it. I'm still in shock. I mean - really??? The place was packed.

TTT - Thankfulness issue

2008-11-25T19:54:00.002-05:00

Seems too cliche' to do a Ten Things Tuesday about Thankfulness. Oh well, my cup runneth over these days and I will use it as an easy way out of my TTT this week.

I am thankful for

1. Friends, including those that happen to be related to me
2. My cool new church
3. My daughter's school
4. Opportunities to help others
5. My cleaning/organization consultant
6. Change
7. Literacy
8. Holiday baking!
9. A sustainable lifestyle
10. Freedom of expression

I should post something

2008-11-24T15:15:00.003-05:00

.. . perhaps something about happiness is in order.

I've been generally happy lately. My house is coming together nicely and I'm learning to deal with hubby's Asperger's Syndrome. I've been very busy volunteering, enjoying my daughter's new school enormously, and seeing my friends when I can. While this doesn't make for very entertaining posts, it does make me feel more at peace with the world.

I would say that I've been to church more often, but I have skipped the last two weeks. Anxiety still creeps up on me, but it's mostly on the weekends when I don't actually have as much structure and control over my days.

My friend Sarah has recently started blogging and she kindly linked back to my site (see reciprical link in the sidebar) here. She has great insight to things and we often share long and interesting conversations that most people wouldn't find as fascinating as we do. We laugh a lot and she makes me think about things just a little sharper than I did before. Now that our kids aren't at school together, we dont' get to talk as often as I'd like to. Through her blog, I found her wacky sister's blog. Suddenly surrounded by all my bloggy friends, I feel less insaney. Or maybe at least insaney in a somewhat communal and acceptable fashion...

It's that kind of cold.

2008-11-19T16:26:00.005-05:00

Mid-January cold. The kind of cold that takes your breath away when you step outside to get the mail. The cold that stays in your bones for an hour after you're wrapped up on the sofa reading your novel. Below the bleak gray sky,the frigid gusts are knocking the last crumpled brown leaves to the frosted lawn. Squirrels move their ground stores into abandoned bird nests. In the air, there is only the sound of an occasional flock of geese leaving fashionably late for their winter get-away.

It should not be this cold before Thanksgiving - even here in the armpit of Ohio. Perhaps Mother Nature is confused because Wal-Mart has been selling Christmas decor since pre-Halloween.

This time of year

2008-11-16T21:46:00.002-05:00

It's time for the yearly family drama of our "alternative" Christmas

Several years ago, my husband and I started a new holiday transition. Actually, we're bucking an old tradition. We do not exchange Christmas gifts with anybody, except for our daughter. Every year, we catch flack about this from the family members from whom you would least expect it. They go so far as to boycott our December birthdays in return. Why? Because we will not tell them what we want for Christmas or buy them presents. Already, they have asked what we want for Christmas, but not mentioned our birthdays or even asked if we had plans for Thanksgiving.

I won't go into all the reasons why we made our decision, it's not important to this post. I feel my own special holiday pressures beginning, though, and my hearts go out to those with their own - traditional or not.

Wacky Wednesday (a day late)

2008-11-06T19:59:00.002-05:00

I know, I haven't been keeping up with my every day posts.
To buy a t-shirt like this one, check out
http://www.lookatmeshirts.com/index.php?&start=60&ctr=

Ten Things Tuesday

2008-11-04T23:53:00.002-05:00

Emotions I feel today

1. Grattitude
2. Happiness
3. Pride
4. Relieved
5. Appreciated
6. Hopeful
7. Relevant
8. Significant
9. Excited
10. Appreciative

Vote for Me!

2008-11-02T19:08:00.002-05:00

I've thought this through and from what I've heard on television, I believe that I am qualified to be president or vice president of the United States of America. Please pencil me in on your ballot. Here are just a few reasons:

1. I have held the position of PTA vice president. Therefore, I have executive experience needed to lead the country.

2. My daughter likes sports and kisses boys. Therefore, I am an every-day mom with every-day problems who can identify with "the people."

3. Not only have I been to Defiance, Ohio but I was born and lived 21 1/2 years there. Therefore, I am in touch with blue-collar America.

4. I can see the moon from my house. Therefore, I am qualified as an expert on the space program.

5. I have heard people speak other languages. Therefore, I am qualified to be involved in foreign relations.

I may come up with more later, but for now - that is the beginning of my platform. Think I have time to be a contender? Don't forget - VOTE! (for me!)

2008-11-01T22:21:00.000-04:00

Connie and Kiyah being pretty for Halloween, ready for trick-or-treating!

vote.

2008-10-31T14:45:00.001-04:00

VOTE.
Click here.
Then vote.

Priorities of Faith in Elections

2008-10-30T11:08:00.003-04:00

Jim Wallis is the founder of Sojourners and the article provides some good food for political thought. Enjoy the munching! - (forwarded to me from my friend Cindy and now shared with you here on the blogosphere). BOLD Highlights are mine.

My Personal 'Faith Priorities' for this Election

Jim Wallis, Posted at HuffingtonPost.com on October 24, 2008
In 2004, several conservative Catholic Bishops and a few megachurch pastors like Rick Warren issued their list of "non-negotiables," which were intended to be a voter guide for their followers. All of them were relatively the same list of issues: abortion, gay marriage, stem cell research, etc. None of them even included the word "poverty," only one example of the missing issues which are found quite clearly in the Bible. All of them were also relatively the same as official Republican Party Web sites of "non-negotiables." The political connections and commitments of the religious non-negotiable writers were quite clear.

I want to suggest a different approach this year and share my personal list of "faith priorities" that will guide me in making the imperfect choices that always confront us in any election year -- and suggest that each of you come up with your own list of "faith" or "moral" priorities for this election year and take them into the polling place with you.
After the last election, I wrote a book titled God's Politics. I was criticized by some for presuming to speak for God, but that wasn't the point. I was trying to explore what issues might be closest to the heart of God and how they may be quite different from what many strident religious voices were then saying. I was also saying that "God's Politics" will often turn our partisan politics upside down, transcend our ideological categories of Left and Right, and challenge the core values and priorities of our political culture. I was also trying to say that there is certainly no easy jump from God's politics to either the Republicans or Democrats. God is neither. In any election, we face imperfect choices, but our choices should reflect the things we believe God cares about if we are people of faith, and our own moral sensibilities if we are not people of faith. Therefore, people of faith, and all of us, should be "values voters" but vote all our values, not just a few that can be easily manipulated for the benefit of one party or another.
In 2008, the kingdom of God is not on the ballot in any of the 50 states as far as I can see. So we can't vote for that this year. But there are important choices in this year's election -- very important choices -- which will dramatically impact what many in the religious community and outside of it call "the common good," and the outcome could be very important, perhaps even more so than in many recent electoral contests.

I am in no position to tell anyone what is "non-negotiable," and neither is any Bishop or megachurch pastor, but let me tell you the "faith priorities" and values I will be voting on this year:

1. With more than 2,000 verses in the Bible about how we treat the poor and oppressed, I will examine the record, plans, policies, and promises made by the candidates on what they will do to overcome the scandal of extreme global poverty and the shame of such unnecessary domestic poverty in the richest nation in the world. Such a central theme of the Bible simply cannot be ignored at election time, as too many Christians have done for years. And any solution to the economic crisis that simply bails out the rich, and even the middle class, but ignores those at the bottom should simply be unacceptable to people of faith.

2. From the biblical prophets to Jesus, there is, at least, a biblical presumption against war and the hope of beating our swords into instruments of peace. So I will choose the candidates who will be least likely to lead us into more disastrous wars and find better ways to resolve the inevitable conflicts in the world and make us all safer. I will choose the candidates who seem to best understand that our security depends upon other people's security (everyone having "their own vine and fig tree, so no one can make them afraid," as the prophets say) more than upon how high we can build walls or a stockpile of weapons. Christians should never expect a pacifist president, but we can insist on one who views military force only as a very last resort, when all other diplomatic and economic measures have failed, and never as a preferred or habitual response to conflict.

3. "Choosing life" is a constant biblical theme, so I will choose candidates who have the most consistent ethic of life, addressing all the threats to human life and dignity that we face—not just one. 30,000 children dying globally each day of preventable hunger and disease is a life issue. The genocide in Darfur is a life issue. Health care is a life issue. War is a life issue. The death penalty is a life issue. And on abortion, I will choose candidates who have the best chance to pursue the practical and proven policies which could dramatically reduce the number of abortions in America and therefore save precious unborn lives, rather than those who simply repeat the polarized legal debates and "pro-choice" and "pro-life" mantras from either side.

4. God's fragile creation is clearly under assault, and I will choose the candidates who will likely be most faithful in our care of the environment. In particular, I will choose the candidates who will most clearly take on the growing threat of climate change, and who have the strongest commitment to the conversion of our economy and way of life to a cleaner, safer, and more renewable energy future. And that choice could accomplish other key moral priorities like the redemption of a dangerous foreign policy built on Middle East oil dependence, and the great prospects of job creation and economic renewal from a new "green" economy built on more spiritual values of conservation, stewardship, sustainability, respect, responsibility, co-dependence, modesty, and even humility.

5. Every human being is made in the image of God, so I will choose the candidates who are most likely to protect human rights and human dignity. Sexual and economic slavery is on the rise around the world, and an end to human trafficking must become a top priority. As many religious leaders have now said, torture is completely morally unacceptable, under any circumstances, and I will choose the candidates who are most committed to reversing American policy on the treatment of prisoners. And I will choose the candidates who understand that the immigration system is totally broken and needs comprehensive reform, but must be changed in ways that are compassionate, fair, just, and consistent with the biblical command to "welcome the stranger."

6. Healthy families are the foundation of our community life, and nothing is more important than how we are raising up the next generation. As the father of two young boys, I am deeply concerned about the values our leaders model in the midst of the cultural degeneracy assaulting our children. Which candidates will best exemplify and articulate strong family values, using the White House and other offices as bully pulpits to speak of sexual restraint and integrity, marital fidelity, strong parenting, and putting family values over economic values? And I will choose the candidates who promise to really deal with the enormous economic and cultural pressures that have made parenting such a "countercultural activity" in America today, rather than those who merely scapegoat gay people for the serious problems of heterosexual family breakdown.

That is my list of personal "faith priorities" for the election year of 2008, but they are not "non-negotiables" for anyone else. It's time for each of us to make up our own list in these next 12 days. Make your list and send this on to your friends and family members, inviting them to do the same thing.

TTT Random Thoughts for the week

2008-10-28T13:30:00.002-04:00

1. This morning I was supposed to volunteer at dd's new school library. Yesterday I started feeling a little under the weather (as evidenced by the news article below) and this morning I had full-blown flu symptoms. I called in and left a message for the librarian, went home and slept a little more. Now I feel pretty good again. So was that some anxiety-induced illness or do I really have some sort of virus? I can never be quite sure of the level of my insanity.

2. Getting old sucks. Skin tags are one of the worst symptoms. They are just plain gross to me. There is either an annoying skin tag on my neck or I have sprouted another head. Just what I need: another mouth to feed. The little bastard is easily irritated by warm winter clothing, so right now he's covered by Mr. BandAid. I hope he suffocates because he (obvsiouly male) is driving me up a freakin wall!

3. Politics is getting old. Let's just get the vote over already. We all know that it doesn't matter who we vote for anyway. I got an idea: just to test out my theory, why don't we all vote for Obama and watch McCain win anyway? I'm sure he's got some friends on the board of the company (is it still Diebold?) who makes the ballot booths. C'mon, it'll be fun!

4. Soon it will be the day for juveniles around the country to go begging door-to-door for candy. How I love this time of year! I can't wait to raid my loved one's candy sack and remove all of those "unsafe" Reese's and Snickers leaving her only with smarties and blowpops and then hiding even those on a high shelf and dosing them out as if they are methodone. Hey - have you SEEN my kid after a large dose of RED#40? Don't judge until you do. That stuff should be outlawed for the safety of momkind.

5. Some days it just seems like I wait for the day to be over. Why? What am I waiting for? Shouldn't I actually be DOING something? Maybe like cleaning my house or oh, I don't know, making the world a better place? I need to get back into a good routine and make a difference around here on a daily basis. Now that I've said it "out loud" will I actually do it? Let's hope so. This place is trashed.

6. I like candy!

7. As much as I love animals, I have finally come to the conclusion that having pets just might not be worth the trouble. Really! Why did I think I wanted two extra things to take care of? All they do is eat and poop and poop and poop. I'm not a big fan of poop. Sure, the kitties are cute and have whiskers and freakishly mutant extra paws on their front feet - but hey, who needs all that poop?

8. I'm ready for a change and my hair is already pretty short, so a quick trip to FirstChoice is just not going to "cut" it this time. Maybe I should start thinking about going to college and being something when I grow up. What could I be? Maybe a psychologist or school counselor? Sounds interesting and rewarding, but writing a book or two sounds better. I'm no Jodi Picoult, though, or Keith Ablow. Probably I shouldn't compare myself to famous people like that. So many people get an education and then don't do anything with it anyhow. And really, what's wrong with that other than wasting thousands of dollars and hours on nothing? Perhaps I'll feel better after a nap. Or a Snickers. Or Paxil.

9. The Schwan man should be here any minute. MMMmmmmmm. . . . he's like Santa.

10. Now I remember why I rarely skipped school as a teen. All my friends would still be at school and I had nobody to play with. Because I have no voice, I can't have fun talking on the phone to the few who are home. At least not for more than about 20 minutes before I start "using my sexy voice" again. Mandy can only take so much. She's teasing me taking a day off work today because she's sick too, but neither of us are well enough to enjoy our sick days. Refer back to #1 - I was feeling pretty good when I started this post, but now I feel like hell again. Yeah, I think it's the flu.

Stay-at-Home Mom gets sick

2008-10-27T18:47:00.000-04:00

Want a new nickname?

2008-10-26T12:07:00.002-04:00

If so, click here.

My Official Pirate Nickname Is: Carmen Dawkins
Get your own nickname at GetNicknames.com

My Official Hacker Nickname Is: Random Darkness
Get your own nickname at GetNicknames.com

My Official Superhero Nickname Is: Flying Aardvark
Get your own nickname at GetNicknames.com

My Official Rednick Nickname Is: Billie Sue Winthrop
Get your own nickname at GetNicknames.com

My Official Goth Nickname Is: Desdemona
Get your own nickname at GetNicknames.com

Cheezy Pickles is going to the World Series

2008-10-22T09:42:00.001-04:00

We are so happy for and proud of our friend who won tickets to this year's World Series game 4 which will be played this Sunday in Philly. She is a clever, precocious girl with a dazzling smile and a contagious enthusiasm. Usually a very serious student, she has been collecting baseball cards since she was only in kindergarden. Now in 5th grade, her hobby has won her a trip of a lifetime. It couldn't happen to a more deserving girl!

Local newspaper article

One of the many local news interviews. This one also featuring my daughter's bff, Courtney.

There are a lot more little clips from other local news, and she has also recently been contacted by one of the national daytime talk shows. We're so very excited for her. It's wonderful when good things happen to good people!

Ten Things Tuesday Randomness

2008-10-21T20:00:00.002-04:00

1. FIL is visiting today. We see him now more than before he moved, but that will probably change after they sell there house nearby. He is currently reading poetry to my daughter. She's loving it. I love it. There's lots of love in this house tonight.

2. It's getting really cold outside. Finally we have the heat on and really need to winterize the windows, etc.

3. We have lots of yard waste to deal with and I just can't seem to get it together. Today I even forgot to put our regular garbage out so I guess it will sit here for another week - at least it's cold out so maybe it won't stink so bad. Hopefully we can keep the raccoons out of it!

4. I'm really missing BFFRose during the day sometimes, but I'm getting used to it. We have been used to calling each other for every silly little thing for the last seven years and it has been a huge adjustment for me. I'm glad that I have other friends to pester from time to time, but at least she hasn't been interrupting my naps!

5. Sweetest day was last weekend. One of my friends gave me a tower of gourmet chocolates in pink and orange boxes. What a great suprise. God bless girlfriends!

6. I get to start volunteering at dd's new school's library hopefully next week.

7. I also will be volunteering at one of my favorite community events next spring. I'm not sure whether or not I've posted about it before, but chances are that I have. For more information check out THIS website. My daughter will be helping out too. We are very excited about it!

8. I'm seriously irritated about having to wear socks and shoes. I don't mind the rest of the cold weather so much, but I hate not having bare feet. It has always felt creepy for me to have shoes on. What's up with that?

9. Halloween's coming up. My kid's going to be a native American princess. I hate the school party stuff, but trick or treat is a fun time. I'd better get back to the Y so I can handle the long walk around the subdivision~

10. Bonked my head today. I blame the oil companies. I was picking up something off the floor and smacked my head on the container on the back of the broom closet door which holds our recyclable shopping bags. These of course are made from petroleum. I should put in my vote for Obama right now.

Celebrity Morph by MyHeritage

2008-10-18T21:40:00.001-04:00

MyHeritage: Family tree - Genealogy - Celebrity

Ten Things Tuesday (counting some blessings)

2008-10-14T00:36:00.002-04:00

1. Yay - the stock market is back up today. Let's hope the trend continues!

2. I have some really great friends. I can't find the words to express how much I appreciate them.

3. My kid. Wow. She rocks my world

4. I love my neighborhood.

5. I have a hubby who helps me keep my priorities straight, and my feet on the ground

6. As bad as things are in this country, I still have a lot of reasons to hope things will turn around over time.

7. I marvel at the technology that is available these days and how far it has come in the last 20 years.

8. As much as she annoys me, my mom is still healthy and feisty as ever. Even better, she doesn't live with me anymore!

9. Paxil. How did I ever function without it? Oh yeah - I didn't

10. I can walk most places I need to go these days - except dd's school. Even then, I could hitch a ride if needed. It's nice to not be a slave to the oil industry.

20 year reunion got my mind churning . . .

2008-10-08T21:34:00.004-04:00

I admit it, I'm a grudge holder. I was reminded of this while attending my recent 20 year high school class reunion.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not vengeful about my grudges for the most part: I just have a difficult time letting go of past events and moving on. Maybe this is why I am not in close contact with most of the people with whom I graduated.

I couldn't actually "attend" the reunion because I had my kid with me, but we did stop in to say "hi" and ended up staying for about an hour and a half. It was great to see my old pals, but I had no desire to "schmooze" with the others. It felt as if I was in a parallel universe when I saw people that were mortal enemies 25 years ago engaging in friendly conversation.

Had they "grown up" and overcome their differences? Perhaps all was forgivin now. Now, turns out - one guy cornered the other who was terribly uncomfortable while remembering in the back of his mind that this guy was a complete jackass as a kid. Did "jack" think the rest of us had forgotten? Why didn't anybody say anything to him like "hey you know - it was really mean of you to call Jane "fish face" in school and we really did not appreciate you "hocking loogies" at us while we practiced formations for marching band in 1983."

I guess it was just easier for me to avoid people like that because I am "just" a stay at home mom and had nothing to offer them - as far as they know. It's a good cover, anyhow. I think I'll stick with it. Little do they know I am the REAL CIA employee! Okay, I'm not really. But it was fun to type it out. I suppose next somebody will tell me that I'm too old to pretend. Bah!

Where was I? Oh yeah . . .

At the same time, I am completely willing to forge new friendships with my classmates that I never really knew. It's hard to believe that in a small town like Defiance,Ohio my path would not have eventually crossed with that of the captain of the girl's basketball team or one of these dudes that had all the parties in his basement. Sure, I knew their names, but I can't really remember talking to any of them. Ah . .. wait a minute - it was a long time before Paxil! I didn't talk to most people then. I couldn't. Call it generalized anxiety or selective mutism, but in all actuality I didn't have the skillset to befriend people. So, unless they approached me first, there was no way we would ever get to know one another.

And speaking of knowing one another . .. The friends that I was close with even then . ..they don't know me very well at all now that I think about it. Is it because I didn't know myself then? I was so busy pushing away the ugliness of my early childhood (about which they mostly still know nothing or very little)that I didn't really understand what made me tick, or what my own value set really was. I worked a lot, kept busy with activities, and participated in a ton of competitions so that I could travel. Anything to get away from the misery of home. I tried to present the "self" that my teachers and my employers expected of me that I don't really think I really became "me" until I was pregnant, 10 years after marryig my high school sweetheart. (Okay, one of them.)

Maybe it is simply a function of growing up. I have heard the old cliche of people going to "find themselves" and always thought it was cheesey. Maybe that's just another way of saying that you're occupying your time until your "self" finds you!

Whatever the case, once I realized I was a mom, I knew that I would be one full time. My main mission in life is to protect my child while she grows into an adult. This mission necessitated some soul-searching to more clearly define my values so that I could be sure to properly instill them within her.

The friendships that I have formed since that time are so much more deeply entrenched than those before. Of course, high school friendships are basically superficial at best, but I do have a handful of friends who were very meaningful to me at that time. Thanks to "facebook" I have reconnected with most of them! And now that we are reunited, perhaps they will also become the kind of friends - at least some of them - who know me by heart.

Friends are highly important to me, as you may have read in past posts. I couldn't function in the world today without the great system of support that I have. My biggest sorrow (outside of something happening to my family of course) would be to lose the friendships that I hold so dear.

Enough of that schmultz. The babbling brook hath run dry.

Debbie Downer Does Disney

2008-09-30T23:39:00.005-04:00

by the way . . .it's official . .. . She reminds me of someone I know!
http://video.yahoo.com/watch/111272/605855

(swiped this from http://www.listoftheday.blogspot.com - a blog that simply must be checked daily!)

TTT Random stuff that's going on

2008-09-30T23:06:00.003-04:00

*My 20 year high school reunion is this weekend.
*I'm old
*I've found some valued long lost friend through facebook recently
*I've been better at getting daily exercise
*Hubby is overworked and I worry about him
*My BFF is becoming a "working mom" later this week. I wish her the best
*Part of me really wants to go to that reunion, but another part is glad I don't have a sitter for that night
*Aniety disorders suck
*I have been indulging in the sin of pride a lot lately. I am so proud of my daughter some days that I think I'll burst. Good thing I don't believe in all that "sin" hooey or it would really worry me! My kid is BRILLIANT!
*Politics is getting me down.

*People say "liberal" like it's a bad thing. Here's the Miriam-Webster definition:a: "one who is open-minded or not strict in the observance of orthodox, traditional, or established forms or ways." Yes, then, I am a liberal. I appreciate different points of view and like to think "outside the box." I value open-mindedness in my friends and enjoy hearing the opinions of others, as long as they are not excluding the rights of others. So the opposite of a liberal, in my mind, would be a close-minded person who wants to do things the way they've always been done for no other reason than that it has always been done that way. I think I worked with that guy before! How are we going to be competitive in the world marketplace without a liberal attitude toward society, politics, science, education, et cetera? How would we ever grow without open minds?

I'm spent

Happy Sunday

2008-09-28T08:58:00.003-04:00

Waking up this morning and reading through one of my favorite blogs, I ran across this story. Sometimes it feels like this old woman follows me around and harasses me every place I go. Why do people - especially strangers - feel that it's their business??

If you've ever worked in customer service you will probably enjoy this website: http://notalwaysright.com/

And The Baristas Shall Inherit The Earth
Coffee Shop | El Paso, TX, USA
Me: Good morning, what can I get for you?

Customer: “Did you go to church today?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Why not?! It’s Sunday and you should be giving thanks to the Lord! I don’t like this… let me speak to your manager NOW.”

Me: “Ma’am, this isn’t a Christian establishment where we are required to go to church.”

Customer: “Get your manager!”

Manager: “Yes, ma’am?”

Customer: “Why don’t your employees go to church on Sunday?! This is an outrage.”

Manager: “Well, if we did there would be no one here to make your delicious coffee when you get out of church.”

Customer: “Well, I guess that’s okay. I’ll let Jesus know that you guys are helping me so that you don’t go to Hell.”

It's true.

2008-09-22T23:30:00.002-04:00

I love television. Always have, always will.
New season has started and I can barely contain my excitement. I finished reading my latest Picoult just in time. Now I can get some bon bons and sit in bed watching some shows . . . . do NOT call me on Thursday night. Anybody. These means you. There will be no phone answering on Thursday. I mean it now! I'm serious. No joking!

When songs get stuck in your head . . .

2008-09-20T16:44:00.008-04:00

and then merge with thoughts bouncing around in there in the first place! With my apologies to Mr. Mellencamp . . .(imagine extremely long musical introduction with chord changes here)

I need a leader that won't drive me crazy
I need a leader that won't drive me crazy
One that knows the meaning of ah
hey - family values

Well Ive been drivin these kids in the mornin
Racin through the carpool jungle at dawn
Im so confused, my mind is indifferent
Hey - Im so scattered, wont somebody buy my vote?

Electricity runs thru the debates
And I watch it from this hole I call home
And all them cronies are chantin for their candidate
And I got the polls callin me up tonight on the phone

(I need a leader that wont drive me crazy)
Some one who wll reward parents for doing the right thing
(I need a leader that wont drive me crazy)
Some one that knows the meaning of ah-
Being there for fam'lies!

Well Im not wiped out by this political crap I'm hearin
Im gonna ignore this drivel, and pandering, and think for myself
(think for myself)
Now Im not asking to be loved or be forgiven
Hey - I just can't face listening to this clutter
In my mind

(I need a leader that wont drive me crazy)
(I need a leader that wont drive me crazy)
(I need a leader that wont drive me crazy)
Some one that knows the meaning of ah-
Let Freedom Ring!

Femin-Nazi?

2008-09-20T08:13:00.002-04:00

I don't really like Rush Limbaugh, but I do like this term he may haved coined. I don't think all feminists fall into the extreme category of "nazi" and I haven't even thought of the term for many years, but when it comes to "book burnings" or banned books or library censorship, teh term "nazi" does come to mind.

So, I have finally made up my mind who I am NOT voting for this upcoming election based on this article. Nobody messes with my (or anybody's) freedom to KNOW and gets my support.

I'm out of my league

2008-09-18T13:21:00.002-04:00

For those who know me well, you will have a good laugh today when you find out that I am meeting with two other private school moms to discuss 1st and 2nd grade activities for the year, and we are meeting at Starbucks.

Panic ensues. My brain is already convinced that the two seasoned "snob-moms" are in cahoots and talking about me on the phone in preparation for the meeting. Afterwards, they'll be on the cell phones before they put their cars in reverse. "Did you see the new mom? She should be home-schooling in the trailer court, what is she doing at our school??? She doesn't drink coffee? I bet she's a *whispering*democrat*whispering* too. Good GAWD, they will let anyone into the school now. There goes the neighborhood!

For those of you who have known me for many years, you'll know that I was convinced a very similar conversation was happening before and after myfirst Parents Club meeting at the public school 2 years ago. And that afterwards, I went back to normal "I don't care" mode where I am who I am and they get what they see. So, why can't I talk myself out of this panic now? Why do I need to puke or nap or somehow purge myself of this stress (blogging is a similar catharsis) so that I can function and move on with my day? Chemical imbalance, family insanity, poor diet? Oh well, there is some comfrot in knowing that it will all be over by 3 pm. I hope it goes better than I'm imagining. I know I'm supposed to imagine the worst thing that could happen and then plan how I would recover from that horrid possibility but I'm afraid to even imagine it . . . . sudden-onset convulsive diarhea could be it, though.

old vs. new (or why I love dd's new school)

2008-09-06T06:17:00.003-04:00

old: asked for speech therapy and was denied because issues weren't disruptive to class
new: without my asking, dd has been evaluated and began speech class yesterday!

old: library not open until at LEAST October.
New: library open before the first day!

old: cafeteria lady shouts "put your heads down and be invisible!" nearly daily
new: peaceful and enjoyable lunch times

old: 20+ in class
new: 13 kids considered a large class

old: librarian might show up once a week
new: librarian is there daily, reads to children, helps them find books AND provides craft activities which incorporate current learning theme.

old: children must not work ahead on papers
new: kids work at own pace

old: good quiet kids are seated next to troublesome kids as behavior modification tools
new: there are no "bad" kids AND kids are grouped according to skill level.

old: recess was a special treat
new: kids go outside at LEAST twice daily.

old: insane parents dropping off kids and blocking street
new: faculty takes turns directing traffic and keeping a smooth flow daily

old: knives on bus
new: carpool is working out great

old: kids with trouble rule the class
new: each child is treated with respect and expected to treat others the same

new: Spanish class, wilderness walks, deer on the playground, choice of labs daily, no uniform, teachers respond to email within hours, open resource center every day, butterflies in classroom, hands-on activities, working together in groups when appropriate, taught by skill level.

MVCDS experience: priceless

TTT - Ten reasons my daughter may not turn 7

2008-09-02T14:53:00.002-04:00

1. There's nothing "baby" about seven!
2. She seems to think she has a will of her own
3. No. It's too big. I won't let it happen.
4. She isn't going to let me dress her up like my little doll much longer
5. She thinks she's "cool"
6. Whatever I suggest, "it's too boring"
7. I don't think she'll play with me much longer
8. It's too close to being a teen
9. It's harder to keep secrets once they can read and spell
10. I'm not ready!

TTT 10 reasons not to blog today

2008-08-26T15:53:00.002-04:00

1. Don't wanna
2. Don't feel like it
3. Can't make me
4. Don't care
5. It's pointless
6. I don't hafta
7. You can't make me
8. Why should I?
9. What? You gonna tell?
10. Summer break is over and I can be childish if I want to!

TTT - ten ways I'm impressed with dd's new school

2008-08-20T00:14:00.003-04:00

Mostly, I love these things because they were so glaringly lacking at our public school

1. They have a librarian there every day
2. The librarian actually helps children
3. Each grade group has a "publishing center"
4. They teach by theme (this year, insects)
5. Classes are small
6. No screaming lunch lady
7. Recess
8. Microscopes
9. Spanish lessons for all ages
10.They teach fitness, not "gym"

TTT - facebook

2008-08-12T22:29:00.003-04:00

Things I love about FACEBOOK (my newest addiction)

1. I love seeing that I am not the only one in the class of '88 who got fat!
2. The live chat with my friends from all around the world!
3. Flair!
4. Characterizations
5. It's easy to get updates on my friends, even daily!
6. A super-easy way to follow Rhett and Link!
7. There's always somethign new!
8. The adorable stick-figure families! I'd like to change mine every once in a while and pretend I'm single and no kids!
9. I like to check out my friends'-friends. Kind of a 6-degrees thing going on
10.Have I mentioned FLAIR? so much fun to give AND receive!

TTT - Sesame Street

2008-08-05T12:43:00.005-04:00

Here are 10 of my favorite classic Sesame clips

1. No cookies in the library
2. You're it!
3. Jellyman Kelly
4. Two Little Girls
5. one two three
6. Suzy Kabloozie
7. Frustrated!
8. We are all Earthlings
9. The Mad Painter and Stockard Channing
10. The one that reminds me most of me and my BFF

10 Things Tuesday

2008-07-29T22:33:00.002-04:00

Chores I did today

1. laundry
2. dishes
3. sweeping sidewalk
4. weeding
5. harvesting
6. back-to-school shopping
7. chauffer dd to karate
8. watering
9. bathe kid
10. bring in empty trash cans from the curb

Am I allowed to complain that my arthritis is kicking my asterisk?

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

2008-07-29T12:34:00.002-04:00

Dealing with a bit of frustration here lately. We have been mega-busy running around and dh has been working 7 day workweeks, many times more than 10 hours daily. Friday I decided I was going to hire somebody to help us catch up on the lawn work if it didn't get done over the weekend. I had hoped to mow early Saturday morning.

Saturday, when the inlaws delivered dd from their camp-out, we noticed a lot of debris littering the street in front of our house. Upon further examination it was the contents of some gal's wallet, including her social security card and student ID along with lots of other cards. Also, there was an unfamiliar car next door, with it's tire slashed and window open, lots of dents and scrapes all around. It's gas cap was open and so was that of our neighbors across the street.

I spent about 20 minutes trying to locate a phone number for the gal online before it dawned on me that she could be in some trouble. At first, I thought her purse was probably stolen and the theifs just wanted to get rid of anything that would ID their new found wealth as hers. So, dd and I went to the local police station and filled out a report, handing over all the cards we found. Dh went to work and the lawn remained unmowed. Due to my overdevloped skill of sunburning, I did not intend to do the already overdue yard work in the heat of the day, especially when I wasn't feeling well after hubby insisted that we walk to Subway for dinner, saving fuel. That night is when my migraine began.

A large part of the needed yard work involved moving some firewood from our driveway to the designated place beside the garage. It had been there for about a week, and we had moved it a little at a time but it still was blocking the driveway so that the Prius was parked over the sidewalk.

Sunday morning I called dh at work mid-morning to check in and he advised me that there was a parking ticket on the Prius! So, we were fined $25 for parking in our own driveway, because it blocked the sidewalk. It was my own dumb fault for calling the police's attention to our residence with the report, right? Still, the abandoned car next door remained. I wonder if Ashley Sommers' stuff got to her safely . . . I paid the fine online, moved my car to the street, and scheduled lawn maintenance for the next morning, even though I had scheduled to be out of state for the day visiting my mother.

Monday, my "lawn boy" arrived and by the time I came home, the wood was neatly stacked and the grass was cut nicer than I could've ever done myself. I was impressed. The man deserves a tip. Hubby was not angry that I hired out and was very happy that the work was done and that we were able to help a friend in need by offering him a side-job. Ticket paid, lawn cleaned, everybody's happy, right?

Today in the mail I received a notice from the municipal department of neighborhoods that my residence is considered a nuisance and we could be fined up to $300. What???!!?!?!!? It was dated yesterday. Of course, when I call for more information, like whether they stumbled upon this because of my act of being a good samaritan or if the snotty neighbor on the other end of the block made a complaint, there was nobody in the office.

Downtime

2008-07-24T22:15:00.002-04:00

Dd and I had a great time on our little mini vacation with our friends. Both girls and both moms were exhausted and slept well at a decent but affordable hotel, we ate good meals off grounds of the amusemente park both days, plus had our share of fair-food. We are all a different skintone that we arrived. Some pinker, some spottier, some darker brown. Guess which one I am?

Despite have a very enjoyable time for our two non-stop days of thrill-seeking, I was ready for some down-time upon arriving home. It seemed absolutely necessary for me to have a little time to myself to "decompress" after all the sensory input of the last two days. In other words, I wanted to be alone. ALONE! Not for ever, maybe just 20 - 40 uninterrupted minutes would've done it . .. but would anybody cooperate? I guess it's hard for others to understand. I didn't think I was so different from anybody else that they couldn't understand my need for a little quiet time, but alas I was proven wrong. Finally now it is bedtime. If the cats cooperate (or are shut in the basement) I may finally have some time to unwind.

Your thoughts? Am I unreasonable or strange in this way? (not in general - I already know the answer to that!)

TTT - Cedar Point: America's Roller Coast!

2008-07-22T21:33:00.005-04:00

It seems like we made a day-trip about once every summer vacation when I was a kid. I loved it. I didn't ride rollercoasters until I was in 7th grade and went with my friend Stacey Beauprez and her mom. The Gemini was the first rollercoaster I ever rode. Tomorrow it will be the first one of the day if I have my way!

Here are ten of the many things I love about Cedar Point amusement park.

1. The Gemini!
The Gemini roller coaster at Cedar Point gives riders an opportunity for bragging rights to the fastest train, as not one, but two trains run simultaneously on parallel tracks and race for a first-place finish. Guests cheer on either the red or blue train down the mammoth first hill, around wide bends and down the famous "low beam" hill that you must experience to believe. Even those who have ridden Gemini 100 times in one day say that no two rides are ever the same.

2. Ocean Motion
Ocean Motion is a 43-foot-long steel and fiberglass boat that rocks its passengers forward and backward through the air. The boat is attached to four steel uprights that make the ride look and feel like a giant swing set. As Ocean Motion picks up speed, riders begin to experience a weightlessness sensation. The tip of the boat swings to a towering height of 65 feet.

3. Water rides! Especially Thunder Canyon:
Thunder Canyon is a 1,600-foot-long white-water rafting ride. Guests ride in 12-passenger rafts that are sent through churning rapids, propelled by the powerful wave action of an elaborate pumping system. Located along the Frontier Trail, Thunder Canyon is one of the park’s two full-sized water rides

4. Camp Snoopy!

5. The Skyride

6. The Happy Friar Snack stand
Cheese On-A-Stick, Fresh Garlic Parmesan Fries, Fresh Homemade French Fries, Frozen Carbonated Beverages (Cherry or Blue Raspberry), Hot Dog On-A-Stick, Mini Corn Dogs 12 pc., Mini Corn Dogs With Fries, Soft Drinks (Pepsi, Diet Pepsi, Mountain Dew, Orange Slice, Sierra Mist, Unsweetened Tea, Pink Lemonade, Code Red), Toppings (Double Extra Cheese Sauce, Extra Chili, Extra Garlic)
YUMMY!

7.The Shows! One time we saw this hilarious comic magician who inflated an enormous balloon and got inside it and did all sorts of silly stuff. He was a riot! This year's must-see is Snoopy on ice!

8. The landscaping is amazing. I can't even manage to mow my yard weekly (or weakly) and these people plant flowers in the shapes of all things imaginable. Sure, they are nothing compared to Disney topiaries, but still quite impressive for a place in the armpit of the great lakes with growing season approximately as long as the lifespan of a common mayfly. Wish I could find a good photo of it! I guess I'll have to try to take one myself!

9. Cedar Downs Racing Derby. Call it my competitive nature, but I have always loved this carousel. I don't think I've ridden it with my daughter yet. Maybe this is the year to start! Sixty-four horses race four-abreast around the track on the Cedar Downs Racing Derby, one of three carousels at Cedar Point. The horses move back and forth producing a racing effect. The momentum of the ride increases until it reaches a speed of approximately 15 mph.

10. Yay! It's only an hour and a half from home!

(due to technical diffulties, I may end up posting this when I return from CP on Thursday. We appear to be experiencing connection issues tonight!)

Ten Things Tuesday - Kit Kittredge edition

2008-07-15T22:57:00.003-04:00

I took dd and her friend to see Kit Kittredge; An American Girl movie last week. We loved it. Here are a few lessons we think the film (and books!) illustrate wonderfully:

1. Families helping others in need, even when they are in need themselves
2. Making character assumptions based on a person's appearance or circumstances is not wise
3. Sometimes people who seem trustworthy outwardly are not always worthy of our trust
4. Kids in the film find ways to help their families and communities
5. Reusing resources is not just good for the environment, it allows families to be self-sufficient.
6. Growing a garden instead of buying is worthwhile
7. Libraries can open new worlds to anyone
8. Reading is the key to self-empowerment
9. Other cultures are worth discovery and understanding
10. Chis McDonald is cute

10 things Tuesday Randomness

2008-07-08T21:59:00.004-04:00

1. This is a long dang summer. The kid is getting on my nerves tonight. She has started a really bad habit of getting out of bed after bedtime and coming to me "scared". I'm a mean mom - I don't buy it. She just doesn't want to go to sleep. I don't want her to be scared, but for crying out loud there is nothing that is going to hurt her in there. No more Jonathan Rand books from the library for her! I am just really burnt out.

2. Tomorrow I go to help the inlaws price things for their "Moving Sale". I'm betting my little car comes home packed with things that I suddenly can't bear to live without. Where the heck am I gonna put any more STUFF?

3. I get to go to jail tomorrow! Nah, I didn't commit a crime, I'm just delivering something to office to be delivered to an inmate. I'm hoping he gets the help he so desperately needs while he's in there and still young so that he might turn his life into something positive. He's a brilliant artist but tortured by mental illness and having a hard time growing up and learning to take responsibility for himself. I want to offer him a little moral support but not so much that he thinks he doesn't' belong where he is. I hope it will be a quick trip. I really don't enjoy going downtown by myself!

4. We've had lots of connection problems lately with our ISP. I hope that it's over now. It can be so frustrating!

5. Facebook.com is so addictive. I sit here wracking my brain trying to remember the names of people that I worked with at Defiance Kroger like Jodi "Moo-Buzz" something-or-other that starts with "P" I think . . . . .? She was fun. I'll think of it and llook her up eventually, but I bet she won't be on there.

6. I've had too much Pepsi and not enough exercise lately. Nothing good can come from this!

7. Some friends and I took the kids to the 120 mile rummage sale here in NW Ohio a couple of weeks ago. Dang, that was FUN! I didn't get that much stuff, but it is so much fun to go rummage through other people's junk! I just love it!

8. Lots of rain here lately has left our basement damp. It's times like these I start thinking of the dude that sold us his old house and thinking that a voo-doo doll might be in order, but that poor man is tortured enough. I'm sure it's the guilt.

9. My BFF Rose is sewing me curtains. I can't wait to see them. They are for my orange bedroom. I need to clean that bedroom some more now that I think about it.

10. Maybe I'll go to bed instead. Caffeinne withdrawal headaches are rough. Maybe a little hair of the dog that bit me . . . . mmmmmm

Angels and Demons, etc

2008-06-28T22:03:00.002-04:00

Man o man, that was a looooong book but it was oh so good, especially towards the end. Dan Brown does such a great job. I have one more novel of his to read but I have to read something lighter in the meantime.

Lots of little things going on here, keeping busy and having a good summer. BFF is coming Monday to help me reclaim my home from clutter and I'll prolly treat her to lunch and work her to death. Dd's new bed is arriving on Wednesday and I want to make sure the delivery goes smoothly, everything is about cleaning and organizing until then. I am also getting a headboard and new frame for my bed, things I haven't had since before I was married in 91. All this change going on, maybe I will actually have end tables some day instead of tv trays . .. . but I wouldn't want to be greedy. *dreamy sigh*

Ten Things Tuesday - schooldays edition

2008-06-24T07:47:00.003-04:00

Through some bizarre twist of fate, I recently joined FACEBOOK and easily found an old pal. This is a guy that I had been friends with since 6th grade. Very funny, sensitive, intelligent dude with a wicked sense of humor, even more twisted than mine. Here are some memories of the weird times

1. Last time I saw him, we went to Hooters and then saw Mars Attacks at a multiplex here in Toledo which has been closed now for years

2. We used to call each other bizarre and hateful names when we passed in the hall between classes in high school. The only one I can remember currently is when he venoumously called me "vaginal mucous" with a look of pure contempt. I busted up laughing, of course. No wonder I had few friends at school.

3. Was it him or Josh B who would aim the sun's reflection off of his watch on to the back back of Mr. Adams' bald head when he was writing on the board?

4. He played trombone. I wanted to be in band but of course wasn't allowed. I would've chosen Saxaphone. All my buddies were in band and I was a bandie-wannabe. I remember his lame joke "How do you make a trombone sound like a French horn? Stick your hand in the bell and mess up a lot!"

5. Swimming at his house one day, he held up a hughe innertube and said "Look! LisaW's diaphragm!" Thank goodness for Coach Parsons' health class or I wouldn't have known how funny that was!

6. We were penpals during college. I bought a bunch of silly envelopes from "Spencer Gifts" to send his letters in. They had return addresses like "Extreme Nosepickers Association"

7. He delivered pizzas for Dominoes in the summers. Once he drove by my house when I was on the porch reading and encouraged me to hop in the car for a delivery. When we got to the house, I was to duck down in the little Mustang he drove so the customer wouldn't see me. He got out of the vehicle and his car door fell off. Funny stuff.

8. As a prank, I got him a membership in "Impotence Anonymous" during college. He did the same for me (so kind). This was before the years of the Little Blue Pill

9. Once in college when I owed him a letter I couldn't think of what to write. "The Golden Girls" came on TV, so I wrote their theme song as a letter to him. Later, he told me that he was very touched until he realized half way through the letter that it seemed familiar.

10. We memorized the first part of the Gettysburg address for extra credit and recited it as fast as we could. Mrs. Straley always called him "Brother Jim" and I never figured out why.

11. We had our own little competition in 6th grade dreaming up answers to the annoying adult question "What are you going to be when you grow up?" Quality Control tester in a tampon factory? Hmmm. . . maybe this DEA thing is just a step towards his ultimate goal.

It's freaky how many bizarre details I can remember from that time.

Family Reunion

2008-06-22T22:15:00.002-04:00

Today was the annual Hardy family reunion - my (deceased) father's side of the family. Actually, none of the blood siblings are still living. My uncle Don was adopted and much younger than the rest of his siblings. So he's like 70 or something? Well, he's smoked practically his whole life so it's a little difficult to tell by looking at him. Anyway, his boys are in their 40's. Many of my cousins have kids older than me or even grandkids around the same age. My parents were late in life babies and so was I, so I've always felt a little out of place at the reunions. But, I still go. It's important to mom and it's one of her few social outings each year.

This year I was extremely anxious about it. I even wrote Mom a letter telling her that I was apprehensive because I wasn't sure what she had told people about moving out of our house and in with Michelle. I had heard her spew so much over-dramatic garbage that day on the phone to my sister, that I had in my mind all kinds of terrible things she may have said to the other relatives whom I only see once a year. Anyway, she never responded to my letter yet and we met them there. We arrived fashionably late, with KFC to contribute to the meal. I have been way too busy flaking off and playing with FACEBOOK recently to actually plan and cook for the meal. Seriously, I am celebrating my freedom here - who wants to cook?

So, it went well. Mom told everybody who asked - at least when I was in earshot, that she moved in with her other dd to help her pay bills. Since she's been there, she planted flowers, cooked dinner, and went out socializing with one of ds's friends at a Mexican restaurant. Now, my mother is a notoriously picky eater. I guess they are having all kinds of fun. She never wanted to do anything with any of my friends. Maybe it's because they are mostly parents with little kids tagging along. Maybe she's just hateful. Or maybe she knew that they were no goodniks if they would be my friends. Geesh, who knows? The last friend she really liked of mine ended up being my husband and she doesn't seem to like him anymore. lol

Ah well, I like him enough for the whole family. He was my hero today and went along with us (the last time he didn't attend the reunion, I volunteered to host the following year - he has never skipped since then) then he went into work after we got home.

I have a cool photo of dd on my Uncle Don's motor-tricycle and some others of her doing her science experiment. I really really really need to get caught up on some of these photos, or at least upload them to share.

I'll stop rambling now. I still have a long way to go reading this book and it is GOOD! I think it's better than the DaVinci Code!

Wacky Wednesday - shark edition

2008-06-18T07:35:00.000-04:00

A rich millionaire decides to throw a massive party for his 50th birthday, so during this party he grabs the microphone and he announces to his guests that down in the garden of his mansion he has a swimming pool with two great white sharks in it. 'I will give anything they desire of mine, to the man who swims across that pool.'

So the party continues with no events in the pool, until suddenly, there is a great splash and all the guests of the
party run to the pool to see what has happened.

In the pool is a man and he is swimming as hard as he can, and the fins come out of the water and the jaws are snapping and this guy just keeps on going and the sharks are gaining on him and this guy reaches the end and he gets out of the pool, tired and soaked.

The millionaire grabs the microphone and says, 'I am a man of my word, anything of mine I will give, my Ferraris, my house, absolutely anything, for you are the bravest man I have ever seen. So sir what will it be?' the millionaire asks.

The guy grabs the microphone and says, 'Why don't we start with the name of the bastard that pushed me in!'

Ten Things Tuesday - things on my mind

2008-06-17T10:37:00.002-04:00

1. I get to go see my BFF today and watch her oldest's baseball game. I can hardly wait to get together with her!

2. I'm really excited about www.BookCrossing.com recommended by Simple Blog Writer in comments from yesterday

3. I have 2 hours to myself every day this week while mini-me is at camp. What could be better?

4. I now have a place to stay when we go visit Chicago. I can harldy wait. Maybe next week I can go and crash there on an air mattress even, and just go walk around the city.

5. Hmmm. . .was it my imagination that I was snubbed by some of the public school moms last week, or did it really happen? Maybe they were just busy with other stuff, or maybe I'm not worth their time anymore since I'm not PTA VP. Do I really care? I little, I guess. I dunno . ..

6. I got so see a lot of my public school mom friends yesterday and really enjoyed it. I can't believe summer is going by so quickly! We definitely need to go swimming sometime soon, but it almost isn't warm enough

7. I absolutely LOVE the weather we're having here these days. Very mild, partly sunny and breezy days. I wish the whole summer could be like this!

8. Where the heck did I put my glasses down yesterday?

9. I guess I'm going to try to read Angels and Demons by Dan Brown next. It's probably good that I read that fluffy book (Late Bloomer) in between. I enjoyed it

10. I feel good today!

Thinking about starting up a book club

2008-06-16T21:42:00.002-04:00

I'm not sure what I want to do with this idea yet, but it seems that a lot of my friends and I enjoy reading and recommending books to one another - trading and passing on and discussing books. I'm not sure if we would be able to be organized enough, though, to agree on a book for a month and meet to discuss it. Maybe something more informal. I am open to suggestions.

One idea I had was a book swap club, where we could have some sort of bulletin board or group. We would have a database listing each book we had available to trade or swap or lend out. Maybe, for instance, since I am finished with "Late Bloomer", I would list that on the database under my name and that I am offering it up. I think it would be cool to list inside the cover who has read the book and passed it along to another friend. Then we could discuss it on our group messages or bulletin board. One problem is that I'm most familiar with Yahoo groups and I have (at least) one stubborn friend who refuses to use Yahoo. I guess I should look into what other similar services might be offered by Google.

In put please?

Deception Point

2008-06-14T13:20:00.003-04:00

I just finished reading Deception Point by Dan Brown. Published in 2001, it is interesting to think how much the world and our nation have changed since it was written. Without giving away any of the plot, it is filled with wonderful detail, twists and turns, science, military technology, and politics of a presidetial election. It's quite long and I thought I had it "figured out" 2 or more times. For a while I was absolutely sure which character was the villain, but you won't know for certain until very close to the end. If you like suspense and thrillers, I reccomend that one!

Now the tough part, choosing the next book to read. I have stacks and stacks sitting here. Including two Michael Connelly novels that I grabbed thinking that they said "Crichton". Anybody read him? I knew I couldn't go wrong with Crichton and was at a big busy book sale. At most I wasted 2 bucks. I also have "My Dog Tulip" and a few Jodi Picoult novels, plus one from Anita Shreve - or I could read another Dan Brown . . . I have some biographies lying around too. I'm leaning towards something light this time round . . . I'll be poking around and when I make up my mind will change my sidebar

I totally stole this from my pal Cari

2008-06-12T22:45:00.002-04:00

http://metaatem.net/words/

Moving day (yesterday)

2008-06-12T07:24:00.002-04:00

Well, mom moved out and it was a pretty difficult day emotionally.

I was doing okay until it was time to go and mom awkwardly motioned for hugs. This is the second time in my life that it seemed like she wanted a hug from me. She is not physically demonstrative. I considered ignoring it only for a split second. I do have a heart, afterall. But, the heart breaker was when mini-me would not let her go and just started SOBBING. At the same time, the Other Daughter (mom's) brought me my purse from the other room and I'm all like "don't touch my stuff THIEF" in my head, but couldn't speak due to the drama unfolding at the door.

No matter if you're 10 or 38, it still hurts when your mom blatantly chooses another sibling over you. Even if you should be quite used to it by now.

*sigh*

Wacky Wednesday

2008-06-11T07:38:00.001-04:00

Woman On Fire
A lady was filling her tank at a gas station, smoking a cigarette, even though all the signs say not to. The fumes that came out of the gas tank ignited, severely burning her hands.
But it also lit up her arm, too!

Instead of rolling on the ground to put it out, she panicked. She took off running down the street.

A police car was at the intersection where it happened and he tried to stop her to put out her arm, but she just kept running and screaming. All the officer could think of doing was to shoot her. This took everyone by surprise. The officer ran over to her and put the fire out, then called for an ambulance.

When questioned about his course of action to stop her, the officer said, "My only thought was to stop her. After all, she was waving a fire-arm."

10 Things Tuesday - moving day eve edition

2008-06-10T07:18:00.002-04:00

10 little things I'll be regaining control of after tomorrow!

1. No more messy newspaper subscriptions
2. No more using the dryer on "high heat"
3. Hey - I can actually use my clothesline!
4. I can empty the dishwasher early in the morning!
5. The bathroom light won't be on all night!
6. My trash cans can be hidden under the counters again!
7. No more special low-sodium, low-legumediet!
8. No more overhearing passive agressive monologs to the cats!
9. No more checking in or rushing home because somebody won't answer the phone!
10. No more weekend shopping!

Did I mention that my mom is moving out?? Finally, I'll have my house back to myself. Wow - I'll be able to do things the way I want to! I can roll my towels instead of folding them, and have them color coordinated with my bathroom! Trash can under the sink and heaps of washcloths in thelinen closet where they belong. Sounds like paradise, doesn't it?

What a whirlwind we've been in!

2008-06-09T21:57:00.003-04:00

And I'm not speaking only of the recent weather we've experienced here in NW Ohio!

Sunday some out-of-state relatives were going to be in Defiance, OH visiting with my inlaws and we were all invited to come and visit also. It was great fun to see hubby's cousin who is so funny, confident, and cute. We usually joke around together fairly well and have had some late night giggle sessions when we should've been sleeping, but this time it was a short visit and no time on our own. Still it was great to see her and her mom. Maybe with recent events, mini-me and I will get to go visit them "up Nort" this summer afterall.

Anyway, since we were already half way to Indiana and my sister magically got her new home early (read: mom paid for it "secretly"), we decided to head on over and see this luxurious place that is so much better than our mansion here in south Toledo. I had heard over and over again how this trailer was "just like" the mobile home that hubby and I had purchased back in 1995 (a '96 Schult Supreme with about 1200 sq feet living space) and lived in until mini-me was a little over a year old. Well, it's a 98 Redmond with 2 feet less width and 10 feet less length, and one less bedroom, and smells like smoke but other than that . . .um yeah - just like it. How bad is sibling rivalry when I want to rub it in that "my trailer was better than your trailer?" Whatever. She's gettin her mommy back. Mom's going back to her favorite who will indulge her passive agressive behavior while she sucks ever last cent (that
I earned her after the inlaws and we bailed her out of her $54K debt and living in complete squalor) out of her savings account. Well, at least I'm not bitter about her lack of appreciation or anything, right?

Anyway, there really is good news here! Instead of moving out after July 4th as we originally thought, mom is moving out *drum roll please* WEDNESDAY! Yep, that's right. 10 a.m. the men with a truck will be here to haul her ungrateful hiney to Indiana.

Don't get me wrong, I have a lot of mixed emotions about this whole thing. I have a lot of guilt feelings over "sending her to the wolves" and that she will just dig herself into another catastrophe. I've shed a lot of tears that once again she's chosen the irresponsible immoral liar over the honest bill-paying married with kid and her only grandchild. But, anger is so much easier and feels so good that I'm willing to blog it out tonight.

She will be two hours away. We should be able to visit once a month or every 2 months, just like we always have. I honestly do hope that she can find happiness here, but I still have the "Expect the worst, but hope for the best" mentality. It will be really hard to not bail her out again some day in the future. She's my MOM for goodness sake!

*sigh*

Surrounded and lonely

2008-06-07T12:35:00.004-04:00

I guess I'm just being grumpy. Sure, my mom, my hubby, and my kid are home here with me - but . . .I dunno. They're each doing their own thing and yet taking little breaks to annoy me out of my mind. Two of my best friends are busy today - one travelling to be in a wedding out of state and the other just having a super-hectic day with her kids. Another one I just spent time with yesterday so if (okay when) I call her I'll just seem clingy. Weekends are hard times when your friends are all SAHM's, I guess. Mini-Me is STILL awaiting a call back from the neighbors and bugging me about it every chance she gets, but they must be busy too. Maybe I'll end up taking her to the Y pool later. At least there I can float on my back with my ears under water so I can get some nice silence. Until then I'll attempt to read a new book. The one I've been working on, on & off, isn't very gripping so I think I'll put it aside and start Brown's "Deception Point"

How to go through $45 in just a few hours

2008-06-05T22:47:00.002-04:00

First, invite an adorable kid that you have known his whole life but never really gotten to spend "alone" time with to come to the city and bond with you and your daughter. Next, take kid and mini-me to Ideal Hot Dog and tell them to order whatever they want. Then, forget go on to Chuck E Cheese and forget to bring your DS or reading material along so that you have no choice but to play a bunch of games and help them win over 900 tickets in about an hour and a half. Stop at home for karate Gi and nice cold bottled water. Your money is now gone, but just so that you also have no energy remaining be sure to then take them to a historical site so the kid can shop for souvenirs and then to mini-me's karate class. Dump kid off at his dad's work, wishing he would offer to take mini-me also. Come home and make dinner. Then watch sappy movie from Netflix, blog, and flop onto the bed, inhaling nightly meds on the way down.

Goodnight!